Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom..vs. Stay at Home Working Mom

   There's been a lot of hype in the media lately over the ridiculous comment made in the political arena about the "Stay at Home Mom who's never worked a day in her life."  I know, right?  Anyone who would even think those words much less utter them aloud...ESPECIALLY in front of a live microphone, running camera, or within 1,000 miles of a reporter could not possibly have ever had the "pleasure" of managing the family homestead  or does not have the proper amount of  fear for what a Mom under extreme duress can do with a carton of eggs, a broom, and a very good batting average.  What with all of the spilled Cheerios needing to be swept up, dirty laundry to be sorted, washed, dried and put away, dishes with food caked on needing to be washed, dried, and put away, poopy diapers to be attended to, potty training bottoms to be cleaned, and every room in the house needing to be dusted, mopped, disinfected and (haha) maintained- well, there isn't a lot of free time left to "work."

  However, never being one to back down from a challenge and always being one to look for ways to express the inner creative self that screams, cries, and throws tantrums to be let out... I recently decided to accept an offer to do that "all important work" that validates us- I guess the politician must have meant the kind you get paid for as opposed to the kind that's NECESSARY AND HELPED "SAID POLITICIAN" GET WHERE THEY ARE --(wouldn't their mom be proud to have been asessed that way??):/  I digress..  Anyway, so I was on a conference call with a colleague when my 1yr. old daughter who's woken up from her nap way too early and in such a cute and delightful mood starts singing, "Tinka, tinka ittol stah (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) very close to the phone's mouthpiece.  It's only when my sweet songster begins to belt out Haaaappeee Baday tooo dooo followed by a rousing chorus of "I waaaaa caaaandeee" (her brother just got the movie HOP) that I hear giggling coming through the other end of the phone.  I don't know that I'll ever be taken seriously again...  This is life...MY life anyway.  Perhaps I can hide the fact that I'm doing business in sweatpants and cozy slippers...but I can't conceal that I am a busy mom who loves her family and is devoted to them...yet still has a whole heap of (I never know what to call it...) but it feels like a ball of ideas mixed with lightning, paint, and a dash of tornado- to offer the world.
  Hmmmm, maybe there is no such thing as a "cookie cutter" Mom/parent- that we don't HAVE to fit into a mold that works for someone else?  Could it be that we truly are individuals and can exist in a way that fits our personal life- free of judging others and being judged by peers or onlookers?  Maybe the judgements will remain..but I could always work on focusing on what is good for my family-which includes what is good for Mama (moi).  And following that thought through...What is GOOD for Mama is GOOD for the family.  Breaking free of self imposed boundaries and accepting that I can still offer value- NOT INSPITE of my family- but AS PART of my family- THIS IS WHO I AM...and therefore that breaks down all preconceived notions of who these other stay at home, or working...or working from home parents are...Hey, we are all in this together...let's encourage one another to embrace who we really are and not prey on each others weaknesses but offer support for strength in those less than stellar parenting or professional moments.
  So, my precious, little one-year old- sing on!  I know I can't keep saying, "hush!" or, "later!"...because time waits for no one.  And that means your Mama too. I can't keep saying, "hush!" or "later!" to what needs to be sent out for someone who could be encouraged by it...we are all just trying to do our best...let's be gentle with one another!

Better to Bless Than Impress (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday :)

Phew… we made it!  We survived another busy weekend in the Gallagher household.  My 5^th and 6^th grade boys were playing the roles of Tweedle  Dee and Tweedle Dum in their school’s production of “Alice in Wonderland” so my in-laws were coming to town to watch the show.  To make the most of their visit, we hosted one of our combination birthday bashes. 

Since we have seven children, we have resorted to holding two family birthday parties a year – one in the Fall for our August, November and December “babies,” and one in the spring for our February, May (2) and June children.  Do not fear… we still honor the individual child on his/her actual birthday as immediate family but we hold off on the larger celebrations.  It works well (other than being a bi-annual drain on the pocketbook) because we consolidate gatherings and get more bang for our buck. 

To be honest, though, it takes a lot of motivation for me to host these events.  We have a large extended family, and we include some friends and godparents so it is rarely a small number.  We also like to provide a meal since our guests are so generous to our children.  It is the least we can do.  The problem this past week was that we had so many distractions -- I could not put the time and attention into the party and house preparation that I desire. 

We have established a tradition of allowing the kids to choose a cake design.  We have done footballs, Hello Kitty, race tracks, monster trucks, Sponge Bob, Winnie the Pooh, etc. Since I am not the most artistic person, I find a design that I can handle and do my best.  It is amazing what a butter knife and some skittles can do! J  My girls were requesting a princess crown cake while my boys wanted a repeat of the monster truck they had enjoyed years ago and were reminded of in a recent home video viewing.  As I put my schedule together for the week, I started to get panicky.  These cakes take a little time…when would I make them?  There were performances Thursday, Friday and Saturday, plus the card party I wrote about in last week’s blog.  Too much.  And what would my dinner menu consist of?  We like to offer new dishes instead of the same old standbys.  I perused the internet…nothing clicked.  More panic.  How was I going to pull this off?  I have not even mentioned the state of my house.  On top of all this, I also made two trips to the pediatrician during the week:  one child had an advanced bladder infection and one was suffering from chronic headaches.  Grocery shopping, laundry, purchasing makeup for dress rehearsal.  I like to put on a nice event, but this was a little too much for my sanity.  Both my mother-in-law, sister and mother had offered to help.  I knew I had support.  The main obstacle?  My pride. 

I want to appear like I have it all together (so far from the truth).  I like to make cakes that are admired by my children and others for being creative and fun (notice I did not say “beautiful” or “well done”).  I guess since I am a stay-at-home Mom, I find some fulfillment in being a good hostess.  Fortunately, God subtly reminded me that I needed to let go of these prideful tendencies and embrace the practical realities of our week.  I remember reading that it is better to bless than to impress.  This line has stuck with me for years.  I often forget to follow the wise advice, but am glad to be reminded of it. 

Will my children enjoy the party more because they have a princess cake?  Will the guests be better fed because the menu is original?  Will people enjoy their conversations more because my cupboards are scrubbed?  A friend once said, “as long as the bathroom is clean, no one really notices anything else.”  So goodbye monster truck cake, hello cupcakes frosted by my 5 yr. old.  My mother-in-law made her delicious macaroni and cheese while my mother provided her always reliable and yummy meatballs for subs.  The office door was closed so no one would get lost in the mounds of clutter in there but my front door was opened to the 50 family members and friends who graced our halls. 

Martha Stewart may not be calling to ask me to do an article on hosting a party, and Family Fun magazine may not want a photo shoot of my cupcakes, but I am optimistically hoping that everyone went away with full bellies and happy memories.  Yes – it IS better to bless than to impress.  I better keep that in mind in two weeks when we are hosting my 3^rd grader’s 1^st Communion bash. 

Of a LIFE- Brief But Sweet!

Oh sweet son John Michael
Born three years ago
Alive on this earth
After two days did go...

You were flesh of our flesh.
And bone of our bone. 
Once housed in my womb
Now facing God's throne.

 I know, wrapped in His arms,
You are laughing out loud
And singing His glory
With that Heavenly crowd.

You see His pierced hands
Hear the Holy Spirit's Thunder
Does the Father's Deep Voice
Fill you with Joy and Wonder?

What's it like as you run
On the streets made of gold?
With your body so perfect
Just like we've been told!

I can hardly imagine
the glory you see...
Won't you please ask Dear Jesus
To help Daddy and me?

Share YOUR short story
of LIFE-brief but sweet
So HONORED we had
the BLESSING to meet!

We're sending up hugs
Please send us back one...
We love and we miss you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON!

Fishers of Men (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday :)

It did not really surprise me when he first told me he was going to enter the seminary.  I always felt like he would end up in some sort of service profession or ministry.  As the youngest of 6 (my Mom would say she had six chiefs and no Indians), he was used to being the peacemaker, the flexible one, the servant – all traits that would suit him well in his future vocation.  He never had a singular moment where he heard God’s voice or saw skywriting to tell him what God wanted him to do.  It was a subtle guidance.  He followed those whispers that Elijah speaks of and was ordained a priest for the diocese of Erie in 2001.  What a gift he has been to our family – though his priestly duties prevent us from seeing him as much as we would like.  He has baptized five of my seven children, given First Communions, heard confessions, celebrated daily family Mass for us on our extended family vacations, and been an awesome witness to our children (my 9 yr old has actually mentioned that he is considering the priesthood like his godfather, Uncle Rich.  This is the same child who was unhappy with his Easter basket.  We will see which direction he goes:). He has generously shared his priesthood with all of us.  He is no longer the “quiet” family member …but has become a loud voice proclaiming in the desert to prepare the way of the Lord.  He is an imperfect human who needs prayers and support to live out his calling.  And he needs new priests to aid him in his ministry! 

Why am I sharing the story of my youngest brother?  Because this week, my sister and mother are chairing the annual card party to benefit the seminarians of the Diocese of Erie.  This is a cause I believe in and is obviously on my mind as we prepare.  These future priests are being formed, and the potential they have to be lights for the kingdom is immense.  How much do I do to support the seminarians, priests and religious in my world?  Do I pray for them as I should?  Do I encourage them?  Write them thank you notes or invite them for dinner (some might enjoy eating with our crazy crew….others, not so much.  One good friend of mine used to tell us that he would come to our house for dinner as his vocation “confirmation.”  Hey, whatever it takes!)  They sure are on the receiving end of plenty of negativity ... both through the media and disgruntled Catholics (present or ex).  Yes, they are human and have faults like the rest of us, but they have responded to the call in a world that would not necessarily applaud them for their noble sacrifice.  For many searching young men and women, this has got to be a scary call.  “How will friends and family respond?  Will I have the strength and love to live out my vows and make the sacrifices that are so contrary to our culture?”  Poverty, chastity and obedience are a far cry from power/money, sexual promiscuity and humanistic pride that are the prevalent philosophies of our day. 

How the heck can I support these young adults on the brink of the journey?  My children’s school has a vocation cross that is passed from class to class at the weekly liturgy, and they say special prayers for vocations while it is housed in their classroom.  A similar cross is passed from family to family at the parish level.  What a great way to support and bring light to this vocation.  Even a simple verbal “thank you” or “I am praying for you” to your parish priest, sister or deacon might be just what they need to hear on a battle weary day.  Or the “you would make a great priest. Have you ever considered the priesthood?” to the boy-next-door who is so sweet with your youngsters might be just the nudge he needed.  Your words, financial support, card or invitation to dinner might be their answer to prayer.  Some day, they might be sharing about their journey and you could be the instrument they speak of. Or maybe they will never know because you donate anonymously.  But God will know.  I believe He will be gratefulJ

Living It:  This is an obvious one…let’s find one way for our families to encourage a priest, religious, deacon or seminarian in our world this week. 

Anyone interested in learning more about the Erie Diocese Vocation Office or making a donation, check out this link:  http://www.eriercd.org/seminary2.asp

The Spirit of Easter (by Diane Gallagher)

Happy Easter! It's guest blogger Wednesday :)

"And the winner of the 'Spirit of Easter' Award goes to ... Lily!"  My two year old was happily twirling around in our kitchen, singing a song and munching on her chocolate bunny sucker.  It was Easter morning, bright and early, and my husband decided that he is going to pronounce a winner of the spirit of Easter and spirit of Christmas on these holy days to affirm the child who best exhibits the meaning of the day.  While one of my sons was pouting because his basket was too hard to find and the goods inside were not to his liking (only a measly Game Stop gift card, premier chocolates from our favorite local candy store, an angry birds t-shirt and "Adventure in Odyssey" book  -- I  was challenged by my husband for being too generous.  I just was not pleasing anyone!), and one of my daughters was in full melt down over a fashion battle, we were struck by my two year old's simple gratitude. In fact, she would have been happy with her pop rocks and chocolate cross. 

She even threw aside her Hello Kitty sunglasses and Veggie Tales puzzle  What's more, she then proceeded to share her treats with Jim and I because we did not have baskets.  "Do you want a bean or chocolate, Mommy?"  Gratefulness.  Generosity. Or, in her own words when Jim asked her what she thought the Spirit of Easter meant, "love."  A lesson from a two year old.  I so desire to have a more grateful heart, a more generous spirit.  How often is God showering blessings upon me? Instead of standing in the middle of a rain  "shower," throwing my arms wide open and letting myself be soaked, I too often run for cover in the nearest building and then complain about how hot it is.

God is constantly giving me things and answering prayers.  It might not always be the things I want or the answers I am seeking, but it is what is best.  I pray that in this Easter season, 50 days of celebrating the Risen Christ, I can pay more attention to the gifts God has given me instead of dwelling on the "unanswered" prayers or requests.  Maybe next year  my husband can proclaim me to be the winner of the Spirit of Easter Award ... but only if I can learn to be grateful for the chocolate sucker instead of  wishing I had a  three pound solid bunny.

Living It:  For the 50 Days of Easter, keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you are thankful for each night.  I am going to do this too.  My Spiritual Director recommended it a while ago, and I have procrastinated long enough:)

Justice...by "PINKIE"

Once upon a time in the not so distant past there lived a family of seven children under the loving care of their parents...

 One morning the eldest son (we shall call him Sir Grouch-a-lot) awoke to find that he had indeed overslept the royal wake-up call of his alarm.  His kind and devoted mother (we shall call her Queen Deserves the Respect of her Children but Does not Get-a-lot) went to gently nudge him out of his bed and into the shower.  Sir Grouch a-lot did a fair amount of mumbling and grumbling and stumbled into the royal bathroom whilst the rest of the family scurried about the palace (haha) to ready themselves for the 2 mile trip they would travel to see their beloved son/brother off on his very first "away battle" on the field of Lacrosse, in the neighboring village of Pittsburgh. 

The father in this tale (we shall name him King Good Hearted), was determined to see his son would arrive at the site of departure on-time AND with a full satchel of food to fill his belly (since this battle was determined to be a double header).  Suffice it to say there was a lot of roaring and bellowing within the palace walls due to Sir Grouch-a-lot having missed the royal wake up call and having several siblings (we shall NOT call them servants) underfoot during the preparation to depart. 

With the large blue 15 passenger chariot pulling out of the driveway onto the main thoroughfare, young Sir G. (we shall shorten this name to make him seem hip), bellowed at King Good Hearted, "Why are you going this way?!?!"  To which the good King responded through clenched teeth, "We are going to grab you a couple sub sandwiches and some royal Powerades."  The young prince Grouchy (nicknamed thus by his siblings- who are not servants...) forgot his princely demeanor and roared in return, "FORGET THE FOOD...WE ARE LATE!!!  TURN AROUND NOW!!"  The King continued on to the local Superette and "gently" slammed his chariot door as he trod towards the market.  The Queen, using her tone purposed for calming turned in her chariot throne to face her eldest son and remind him the family's efforts were for his sake.  She pointed out this stress would all be over within ten minutes and he would be on his way to battle with food to sustain him.  The young prince grouched and muttered and ordered his fellow passengers/siblings to "SHUT UP!"  However, the youngest Princess (aptly named Lady So Cute You want to Squeeze-a-lot) continued to address her eldest brother by name over and over until Sir G. would relent and say, "What?" and she would merely smile at him then begin calling his name to repeat the process.  The King returned with his purchases for his ungrateful son and tension filled the chariot.  The royal passengers were silent while the Queen suggested to her eldest son to tuck the morsels and drink into his backpack so that he could hop out of the chariot upon arrival.

Seven minutes (and one wrong parking lot) later the 15 passenger, dark blue chariot rolled across the cracked pavement of the departure lot in front of the assembled "battle-ready" soldiers (and some other bleary eyed parents). Sir Grouch a-lot barked out "Sorry,"  to the King as a means of apology and grumped out a "Bye..love you" then threw open the creaky chariot door and whipped around to climb down and out of the ride that had caught the attention of his fellow warriors.  Suddenly there was a collective gasp from the rest of the royal family as they caught site of something so horrendous and hilarious at the same time...

Sir Grouch-a-lot was striding towards his astonished peers with his baby sister's pink, fuzzy blanket which was trimmed with delicate pink satin, trailing from his backpack.  The Prince had accidentally zipped the very edge of his young sister's "Pinkie" into his bag as he loaded his lunch in a hurry!  The Queen could barely garble out a "Waaaitt..." while the young Prince did the confused dance of spinning around and around to see what his family was pointing to.  Of course as he turned the blanket would disappear from his view- like a dog chasing it's tail...

The mute look of horrified exasperation sent to his Royal Mother was a plea for death...or Ground- swallowing disappearance.  The royal punch from the Queen upon her King's muscled arm silenced the King's guffaws immediately as she pleaded through her own clenched teeth, "Not now-just wait!"  A loyal friend raced to help the prince untangle from the "enemy silky" and throw it back in the chariot.  The family bid farewell to their beloved Sir Grouch a-lot while wishing him "Good Luck".  The youngest charming princess clung to her "Pinkie" afraid it might disappear just as suddenly once again.

 As the big, blue chariot rolled away the stunned silence was shattered by the Queen's honking laughter.  The King joined in then each of the six remaining siblings added their own laughter to the chorus...Tears streamed down the Queen's cheeks and she begged "Mercy!," for she truly could not breathe- so strongly had her funny bone been tickled.   Once she regained her composure she slid her eyes in the direction of the King and whispered, "That was BLOG-ALICIOUS!...but I don't know if I could do that to him."  To which the King responded, "If you don't- I will!!"  And their peals of laughter trailed out behind them all the way home.

The End

Multitasking Mama (by Sarah Grady Wingerter)

Harborlily Creative welcomes our next guest blogger, Sarah Grady Wingerter. A military wife and mother of four, Sarah will be sharing  her wit and poigniant insights with us from her "home base" of South Korea. Please welcome her, give thanks for the sacrifice she and her entire family are making for our country, and offer your support in the way of comments, etc. to help Sarah stay connected with all of you. Welcome Sarah!

While pregnant with my first, I proudly announced to my sister that I was not only talking with her on the phone, I was also sewing!  "I'm multitasking!  This is important for motherhood." To which she replied, "Multitasking is a weak motherhood trait."

I pondered this years later while making dinner, nursing the baby, chatting on the phone and bathing the older children, while chewing gum!  So if multitasking is a weak trait, what's a strong one?

 All of this I am writing from a hillside cottage just outside the concrete jungles of South Korea.  Why am I here?  I'm here on a mission.  That mission -- wife and mother.

Uncle Sam gave my husband orders to come here for one year and the children and I weren't on them.  So, what's a girl to do?  I tucked my three children under my arms, and along with my preborn wombmate, secured passports and visas, hitchhiked on a military hop and landed in our new home for the year.

I may have given up a lot; a support network, familiar surroundings, a dishwasher -- but what I have is greater.  I have my family, together.  I may or may not have "strong motherhood traits," but my motherhood has made ME strong and, I have the most important thing -- love.

Cheers to God's great gift of motherhood!  So go hug your man, all your little lambs and bring a rose to Our Great Mother.  And if you can multitask, you can do them all at once!

Holy Week Reflection (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday :)  

 Though fearful of seeming over dramatic, I must admit that my initial thoughts as I prayed about Holy Week were that, as a mother of seven children, I could relate to the suffering, abandonment and humility that Jesus underwent in the passion.  I almost feel blasphemous even putting those words on paper, as I do not mean to say my pain equals Christ's; however, as I am lying here in my bed, my husband having been out of town these past four days, a fly on the wall could certainly have heard me muttering such words as "slave", "beaten," "shame," and "abandoned" at various moments throughout my day. While I may have good reason to feel this way, if I allow myself to stay focused on these negative and ultimately depressing thoughts, my daily existence will become stuck in the passion. 

The challenge is to not just imitate Christ by accepting my crosses, but moving forward with them so I can reach the Resurrection. Yes, heaven is where we will experience our final resurrection, but there are many resurrection moments here on earth IF we allow ourselves to see them.

 A friend of mine once shared how he was walking across campus on a  frigid winter morn, and he began to feel as though icicles were forming on his fingertips. Instead of dwelling on this developing case of frostbite, he started thanking God for giving him a nose, fingers, and toes.  That's turning a crucifixion moment into a resurrection one.  This is not one of my strengths.  I have a much easier time being annoyed and angry than finding joy in the little things.  But I refuse to be content with my vices.  The next time my 10 yr. old son shoots his 9 yr old brother in the face with his Nerf gun because "we made a bet and I won", I need to thank the Lord that I have boys who love to play with each other and have lots of energy.  I need to remind myself over and over that all these little daily crosses will lead me closer to Jesus.... if I allow them to do so.

A couple Gallagher family traditions from Holy Week:

We love watching the end of "Jesus of Nazareth" (actually, the whole movie is fantastic.. brings the story of Jesus to life in a very real and effective way) on Good Friday.  It's not as violent as "The Passion" so it is appropriate to watch with the family, but it is still powerful.

 My husband takes the older kids to Church on Holy Saturday morning to help decorate and have some food blessed (love that polish sausage). They prepare the candles, etc. for the Easter Vigil which allows them to take some ownership for the special liturgy.  After the Vigil on Saturday night, we come home and enjoy a sundae bar... a tasty way to celebrate the Resurrection.

And one of our cheesier traditions:  on Easter morning before we look for baskets and eggs, we listen to Keith Green's "The Easter Song"... an uplifting, albeit dated, start to a joyful day:)

Tell us about your favorite Holy Week and Easter traditions!