Date Night!

 

  "Hey, guess what?," my six year-old daughter hollered, "My Mom and Dad are going on a DATE!!" 

The eyebrows of the visiting neighborhood girls shot up as they responded, "Wow, that's great!," before turning to me with twinkling eyes.  "Yeah," I responded with a lackluster grin.  My husband had just asked me to join him for wings at the corner pub and I was tired but determined to see this through as I had turned down his last three "30 cent wing night" invites.  When I whispered "Daddy and I are going on a date," to my youngest it was more with the incentive of hurrying her through her nighttime routine of jammies, teeth brushing, prayers, and story time.  She took my announcement as the epitome of every princess and prince story time and...well...ran with it- straight to my closet to pick out the fanciest of fancies for me to wear on our "date."

Fancy!

  I kid you not, my pipsqueak, little blondie was starry eyed as she dove into the array of coat hangers and literally held up sequins and ruffles.  I countered with comfy hopefuls of denim capris and t-shirts.  She developed a system of giving me thumbs half-way up or even thumbs down.  At one point her thumbs down was so vehement that I asked if I should donate the colorful tank I halfheartedly held up.  She responded, "nah, you don't have to get rid of it...I might grow used to it...one day."  Aaand, into the donate bag it went.



  Disappointed but willing to accept my desire for comfort over pizazz, she ultimately gave a half-hearted, midway thumb-up and shook her head sadly as she agreed to my extremely bland "date" attire.  Eager to move on, she exclaimed, "Ok Mom, time for make-up!"  With lightning speed she located and pulled out that one tube of bright RED lipstick that must have pulled at my sentimental heart-strings enough to hide it out of sight instead of discarding it during the removal of all 17 pieces of Wal-mart's holiday deluxe make-up gift set.  By this point, even knowing I'd severely decimated every romantic notion once whispered into "happily ever after" stories, I could only stare blankly at that tiny hand waving her red, waxy magic toward my lips.

  "Ummmm...how bout we try something that matches a bit more?," I weakly offered.  She could deal with options, "Sure Mom, show me what you got!"  "Wellll...," I tried to buy time as I rummaged around and came up with two safe choices.  I bravely held out #550 SAND in one hand and with a flourish attempted to impress her with No-name option 2 which could have been named SAND with a mere hint of glimmer.  Her obvious lack of enthusiasm was immediately on display as she lowered her eyelids halfway to convey her boredom and asked, "So...they're the same?"


BOOOORING!

  This night was destined to be a teacher from the get-go...I can barely admit that I had attempted to reward my sixteen year-old son's hard work at the house by inviting him to come with us.  To say my husband lacked enthusiasm with eyelids half lowered would be a gross understatement.  He was looking forward to "date-night" as well.  Turns out all this effort was to open my tired eyes to see how deep I had dug into the trenches of Mommy-hood.  In the end, well- actually before we began, we were asked to leave the wing establishment because of our son's age.  We had no idea they had recently changed their rules to prevent anyone under 21 to be seated after 9 p.m- even at the outside patio that had drawn us on previous summer nights.

    Ironically, my six-year old daughter was my "wing-man" that night...having my back and giving me a lot to think about in terms of dating my husband. 

  All's well that ends well.  On my next invite to date-night you can bet I found a happy medium somewhere between sequins and denim...and even broke out the curling iron and brighter pallets that left SAND in the dust.  My husband and I eventually enjoyed a night out, held hands, giggled at brave karaoke participants, and reveled in that sweet feeling of 17 years and going strong.  Casual or frilly, I'm looking forward to dating my hubby for years to come!

 

Oops...

  Fiction could not be funnier than the truth during a recent car ride across town to visit my sister.

5 year- old daughter in a hoarse whisper: "JAAAMIE"

9 year old son distractedly turns his attention from the passing view out the window to his sister as he responds in a similar hoarse whisper: "What?"

5 year-old "You should have brushed your teeth before we left for Aunt Liz's..."

To which my 14 year old daughter chimes in from the front seat, "Guys, we're passing the poop factory," while gesturing to the Wastewater Treatment Plant on our left.

My five year-old daughter simply squeaked out "Oh," before sliding her eyes to her brother sitting a mere foot and a half away in the backseat and added, "sorry."

My nine year-old manages to catch my eye in the rear view mirror to express his exasperation with an understated eye roll before returning his gaze to the city whizzing by just outside his window.

Aaand...on we drive.

Parenting: "By the Book" or Not So Much (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday : )

Have you ever been wandering through a bookstore and realized how many books have been published about parenting?   It's a hot market!  It makes sense because every new parent wants the key to raising a happy, healthy and holy child.  We hope and pray that the answer will be in that book.  As an avid book reader and a frustrated perfectionist, sometimes I feel that I have read more books than I should have. Often, I have been inspired ( Lisa Whelchel’s Creative Correction). Occasionally, I have been challenged.  But most often, the parenting books I read foster guilt or confusion:  guilt because of all the things I am not doing or should be doing differently; confusion because they offer conflicting advice.  Try reading Dr. Dobson’s Dare to Discipline next to William Sear’s Baby Book and Tracy Hoag’s The Baby Whisperer ( I'm sure I'vejust dated myself….these were the popular parenting books when I was first having babies. There are certainly new books filling the shelves of the parenting section today). 

Where is the truth?  Which one is right?   Should I let my baby cry it out or respond to his every whimper.  Should I spank or only use timeouts?  Should I nurse on demand or follow a set nursing schedule?   Circumcisions?  Immunizations? Home schooling?  Working Mom or Stay at home?  All sides offer loads of data, examples and psychological analysis to defend their stance.  What is a new, vulnerable parent to do?  Feel guilty and confused, that’s what.  Motherhood is hard enough in and of itself without the self-inflicted emotional torture we can put ourselves through.  The best piece of advice,( that I did not learn from a book, I might add), is to be myself.  Not the Mother I think I should be or that Dr. Dobson is encouraging me to be or that my friends are doing differently.  Just plain little old me.  Over the last 12 years of parenting, I've come to know myself better as a mother.  Amy Grant’s song “All I Ever Have to be is what you Made Me” has such a perfect message for all ages.  God has created me (and my husband) with unique personalities.  A parenting technique or choice that might be “spot on” for one couple might feel uncomfortable and wrong for another.  I have finally learned that I do not need to feel guilty because we stopped home schooling and enrolled our children at the nearby Catholic school or that I left my 11 month old baby with my in-laws while my husband and I traveled to Rome for my brother’s diaconate. 

These were choices that some of my friends (and some of the authors I mentioned) would not have made.  I am finally learning that all I truly do have to be is the mother God made me.  I no longer read many parenting books.  I have had enough of books telling me who I should be.  My Creator is the One who truly knows who I am and that is where I should be looking.  He has made me …with all of my strengths and weaknesses… and I need to trust that while He has not made me perfect, He has made me the perfect mother for my children.

Live It: The next time you feel either unsure, undecided, or inadequate as a parent, say a prayer or read Scripture instead of a book to find guidance and peace.

Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom..vs. Stay at Home Working Mom

   There's been a lot of hype in the media lately over the ridiculous comment made in the political arena about the "Stay at Home Mom who's never worked a day in her life."  I know, right?  Anyone who would even think those words much less utter them aloud...ESPECIALLY in front of a live microphone, running camera, or within 1,000 miles of a reporter could not possibly have ever had the "pleasure" of managing the family homestead  or does not have the proper amount of  fear for what a Mom under extreme duress can do with a carton of eggs, a broom, and a very good batting average.  What with all of the spilled Cheerios needing to be swept up, dirty laundry to be sorted, washed, dried and put away, dishes with food caked on needing to be washed, dried, and put away, poopy diapers to be attended to, potty training bottoms to be cleaned, and every room in the house needing to be dusted, mopped, disinfected and (haha) maintained- well, there isn't a lot of free time left to "work."

  However, never being one to back down from a challenge and always being one to look for ways to express the inner creative self that screams, cries, and throws tantrums to be let out... I recently decided to accept an offer to do that "all important work" that validates us- I guess the politician must have meant the kind you get paid for as opposed to the kind that's NECESSARY AND HELPED "SAID POLITICIAN" GET WHERE THEY ARE --(wouldn't their mom be proud to have been asessed that way??):/  I digress..  Anyway, so I was on a conference call with a colleague when my 1yr. old daughter who's woken up from her nap way too early and in such a cute and delightful mood starts singing, "Tinka, tinka ittol stah (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) very close to the phone's mouthpiece.  It's only when my sweet songster begins to belt out Haaaappeee Baday tooo dooo followed by a rousing chorus of "I waaaaa caaaandeee" (her brother just got the movie HOP) that I hear giggling coming through the other end of the phone.  I don't know that I'll ever be taken seriously again...  This is life...MY life anyway.  Perhaps I can hide the fact that I'm doing business in sweatpants and cozy slippers...but I can't conceal that I am a busy mom who loves her family and is devoted to them...yet still has a whole heap of (I never know what to call it...) but it feels like a ball of ideas mixed with lightning, paint, and a dash of tornado- to offer the world.
  Hmmmm, maybe there is no such thing as a "cookie cutter" Mom/parent- that we don't HAVE to fit into a mold that works for someone else?  Could it be that we truly are individuals and can exist in a way that fits our personal life- free of judging others and being judged by peers or onlookers?  Maybe the judgements will remain..but I could always work on focusing on what is good for my family-which includes what is good for Mama (moi).  And following that thought through...What is GOOD for Mama is GOOD for the family.  Breaking free of self imposed boundaries and accepting that I can still offer value- NOT INSPITE of my family- but AS PART of my family- THIS IS WHO I AM...and therefore that breaks down all preconceived notions of who these other stay at home, or working...or working from home parents are...Hey, we are all in this together...let's encourage one another to embrace who we really are and not prey on each others weaknesses but offer support for strength in those less than stellar parenting or professional moments.
  So, my precious, little one-year old- sing on!  I know I can't keep saying, "hush!" or, "later!"...because time waits for no one.  And that means your Mama too. I can't keep saying, "hush!" or "later!" to what needs to be sent out for someone who could be encouraged by it...we are all just trying to do our best...let's be gentle with one another!