Happy Birthday Brings Changes

Dearest Family and Friends,

  For those of you who may be unaware--Seven years ago today our family's lives were forever changed with the birth of our seventh child, John Michael. 

  Well, let me back up- our lives were first changed in the discovery that we were expecting another baby- there is ALWAYS that mystifying blend of excitement mixed with the reality of accepting a whole new person into the family.  However, it was in the discovery of John Michael's genetic condition, Trisomy 18, our paradigm shift of parenting soared, plummeted, and eventually found peace throughout the pregnancy, birth, tentative two days of life, and ultimately death of our beloved son and brother.

  I had started this blog, Harborlily Creative, five years ago in hopes of establishing an outlet of creativity along with a desire to inspire others to use their creative talents.  It became my place to throw thoughts, humorous findings, parenting tips, and the beauty of discovered truths.  I cast my lot into the vast world wide web to see what would be sifted and what just might stick throughout time.  Interestingly, those things I was certain would remain have drifted off and I find the common theme that has remained to be a giant mirror held up to my life..in all it's imperfections, beautiful laughter, silly phrases, and real life moments.  I'm totally cool with that.  Perhaps I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin after all these years of thinking, "In order for it to be right it had to look a certain way, behave a certain way, sound a certain way, etc."   My life does not resemble what I had envisioned at the start of marriage and motherhood.  In many ways I still struggle with trying to meld my reality with my image of what was "supposed to be."  However, it is the Peace I find in letting go and embracing the joy right in front of me that allows me to accept my life for what it is- my vocation.

   Once upon a time I wrote a book: TRIUMPH about living through John Michael's pregnancy and facing the unknowns after being given an "adverse prenatal diagnosis."  For some reason I thought it wise to keep my social media sites separate.  I had a personal FB page in addition to the Harborlily Creative page- which was renamed to match the book, Triumph, and the new Harborlily Creative page to keep a candle lit for the original hope of encouraging others in their lives and creativity.  I have a website devoted to sharing the book as well:  http://www.triumph-story.com

  Recently during a conversation in which I was discussing my general confusion about what gets posted where, a wise, young woman asked me, "Susan, why do you feel the need to keep all these bits of your life separate?"  To which I responded that, at the time of separation I had thought the average person might find the death of our son depressing and it might be a better idea to have a different place to host those conversations about pregnancy and loss.  Again, this gentle soul carefully offered her opinion that having John Michael was and is a part of my journey.  Our experience with our son helped shape my perspectives for the better in many areas of life, love, and even in discovering God's will and purpose.

  Perhaps it's time to stop separating all these areas that I thought needed boundaries and merge my efforts while embracing the whole of who I am and what I have to offer.

  Just when I thought I was getting comfortable in my own skin I'm shown it's time for growth.  Once again, I'm totally cool with that.  I've heard it said the only constant in life is change...so here we go.  From here on I will be posting under the Harborlily Creative Facebook page and other social media sites listed as Harborlily Creative.  I would GREATLY APPRECIATE your support in liking and following these pages!  More exciting things to come as I explore and develop the ideas that have been percolating for a while now- so please do stay connected!


  In the meantime won't you please join us in celebrating John Michael's birthday by sharing your prayer intentions with him?  He was baptized before his death so we know he carries your intentions to the very throne of God.  This mother's heart is sure of his love for you and his desire to help you find Peace. 

  Happy Birthday Son!



 

 

Fundraising Campaign for John Michael's Book Coming Soon

Stay tuned for more information about our upcoming fundraising campaign to publish John Michael's story. Please view this short video, SHARE IT with others and check this blog and facebook often for campaign dates and ways you can help. Thank you for your kindness and support.

Of a LIFE- Brief But Sweet!

Oh sweet son John Michael
Born three years ago
Alive on this earth
After two days did go...

You were flesh of our flesh.
And bone of our bone. 
Once housed in my womb
Now facing God's throne.

 I know, wrapped in His arms,
You are laughing out loud
And singing His glory
With that Heavenly crowd.

You see His pierced hands
Hear the Holy Spirit's Thunder
Does the Father's Deep Voice
Fill you with Joy and Wonder?

What's it like as you run
On the streets made of gold?
With your body so perfect
Just like we've been told!

I can hardly imagine
the glory you see...
Won't you please ask Dear Jesus
To help Daddy and me?

Share YOUR short story
of LIFE-brief but sweet
So HONORED we had
the BLESSING to meet!

We're sending up hugs
Please send us back one...
We love and we miss you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON!

All Will Be Well

“All will be well. All will be well” … the song plays to me from memory…

This past Good Friday we celebrated the second birthday of our seventh child. This child, our son John Michael, was born with a genetic disorder affecting the 18th chromosome (Trisomy 18). Though this condition proved fatal, we were so very blessed to be able to cuddle and sing to our sweet baby boy for two miraculous days of life . I’ve been in the process of writing a book about this experience. I try to quiet my mind so that I can go back in time and write from memory. Sometimes this process is excruciatingly painful… always, it is healing.

Shortly after my son’s death, a friend gave me a CD with various meditative songs. These songs were composed to help people experience Christ as they sit in adoration of Him. I clearly recall those days of heavy sadness as I lay there with empty arms so hungry for my baby. I was heartbroken without his soft fuzzy hair to bury my nose in. My tears would flow without ceasing as I would listen to this music over and over. The one song that I clung to repeated the words, “All will be well…all will be well”. Those words stirred my faith to believe that I would one day have the strength to smile again. Those words enabled me to pull through the darkness that I’m sure would be similar to the loss and immense grief the apostles must have felt during that second day Christ lay in the tomb.

On Good Friday. My husband, sister, and I stood by our little boy’s grave singing Happy Birthday as our tears mingled with the pouring rain. It seemed the whole world was crying. Next came Holy Saturday… I still missed my son. Jesus still would have been in the grave. And then came Resurrection Sunday. This year we celebrated the second anniversary of John Michael’s death on Easter.

I had originally felt the timing was backwards. Good Friday seemed a better fit for the sadness of John Michael’s death. And the Joy of Easter seemed a better time to remember the elation of his being born alive as we relished his every breath. Yet, God revealed His perfect timing to me as I sat in the solemn church on Good Friday and thought of the sadness Blessed Mother must have felt at her Son’s death. I realized that both she and I knew our sons were born to die. I had learned that Trisomy 18 is a condition that occurs during conception. John Michael was conceived with this disorder that doctors had termed “incompatible with life”…(more on that another day!) We knew he would not have long with us yet we were certain he was here to share God’s love with all who learned of him. And though the connection of our son’s death with Easter may have been very clear to others it was slow to dawn on me. I now know that this Easter Sunday, we not only can remember the sadness of John Michael’s tiny body falling prey to the sting of death but we can also celebrate his soul’s rising to God’s presence.

Thank You Father for the gift of my son. Thank You Father for the gift of YOUR Son. Because of Your Son’s death and resurrection, John Michael can rest in Your arms and I can rest assured, knowing that “ALL WILL BE WELL”.