Update

One funny side effect of going to school while my children do is the shared experience itself.  I no longer casually say, "I know you don't want to roll out of bed, get your rear in gear anyway!"  I now grumble along side them while we elbow each other in our fight for bathroom mirror prep time.  We're all in this together.

  Funny how diving into a shared experience can give a more insight into moments I used to pass judgment on.  Of course it makes sense- I'm living through similar experiences they face day in and day out.  I no longer chide about the dragging feet and forlorn faces on Monday mornings- I sympathize.  Yet, I am not as understanding about bad grades as I once was- I've been reminded of the need for hard work and I want to help my kids create great habits involving preparation and accomplishment.  If I can do it- they certainly can too.  My mantra of, "Turn OFF that stinkin' TV!," is heard more regularly now that I know what they are putting off in stall tactics.

  Over time, I will be curious to see what their memories of the time "Mom went back to school" bring about.  And there are days that I wonder if I will remember much of what currently feels like a foggy blur as I try to fit it all in and get it done.  My husband's parents have had recent serious health issues.  This has been effective in reminding me to: breathe, slow down, and remember what's important.  In the midst of the schedules, homework, and chaos I'm forced to face my own limitations and concede that when giving it your all- let my best be good enough.  If I am to succeed at this thing called school- then I must remember that the best education is within the school of LIFE.  At this stage in my life, the process of receiving a formal education must somehow blend with my, my husbands, and my children's lives- and not take center stage.  It is very sweet to witness how they do champion my efforts and pull together to allow me time to work.  It makes our play time that much more cherished.

So far, so good...albeit hectic and without much down time.  I know this too shall pass and soon it will be time to graduate- for my children and for me.  I've never been one to wish time or seasons of life away or to cling to certain ages.  I've sincerely tried to embrace each moment as it's lived, knowing it will only come my way once.  I think this is true for this unique time in my (though it's actually "our," since lives are entwined) life as well.

  Even with the end of the term nearing and finals breathing down my neck, I was blessed this afternoon to be able to visit my mother-in-law in the hospital, visit my oldest at his work, take a quick snuggly nap with my youngest, attend a son's lacrosse game, take two other sons shopping, treat one daughter to a big bag of m&m's for cleaning the house, and look through my jewelry with my oldest daughter for her formal dance tomorrow night.  I did get to give my husband a hug and kiss on the sideline at the game and I look forward to catching up on his day when he comes home from caring for his father.

  Life continues on while increasing in speed.  I find it a comfort to see my University's motto etched into the face of many a cornerstone around campus, reminding me: Carpe Diem!

Of a LIFE- Brief But Sweet!

Oh sweet son John Michael
Born three years ago
Alive on this earth
After two days did go...

You were flesh of our flesh.
And bone of our bone. 
Once housed in my womb
Now facing God's throne.

 I know, wrapped in His arms,
You are laughing out loud
And singing His glory
With that Heavenly crowd.

You see His pierced hands
Hear the Holy Spirit's Thunder
Does the Father's Deep Voice
Fill you with Joy and Wonder?

What's it like as you run
On the streets made of gold?
With your body so perfect
Just like we've been told!

I can hardly imagine
the glory you see...
Won't you please ask Dear Jesus
To help Daddy and me?

Share YOUR short story
of LIFE-brief but sweet
So HONORED we had
the BLESSING to meet!

We're sending up hugs
Please send us back one...
We love and we miss you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON!

Silence is Golden ... What color is Deafening Bedlam?

  Over the last few days I've been hitting the social media stuff pretty hard.  Facebook, e-mail, and...(I'm embarrassed to admit I don't know if the phone is considered social media or just outdated)...texting probably counts so I'll throw that in here too since I've done a lot.. hbu? 

  All this input has caused me to ... well, freak out a bit.  Please understand I have been living the "unseen life" of mothering for a decade and a half now and this sudden exposure of my life is a bit like walking into neon-bright sunshine after having been nestled in the shaded forest for eons.  I suppose my urge to "shut down" and hide today is a bit like the reaction of pupils contracting when a flashlight is pointed directly in the eye (as in a concussion test).  Eventually, the contracted pupil, as well as my flagging confidence, will expand to let more light in once it does not perceive itself as threatened.

  But for today, nerves on edge and wanting to flee to anonymity I headed to my favorite destination to walk: the nearby cemetery.  Strangely, this place holds no morbid fascination nor fear for me.  Instead, I appreciate the silence that soothes like a balm to my frenzied pace.  It's also hard to miss the fact that the stone markers I pass each lend quiet testimony to a life once lived -- but no longer.  They also serve as a reminder that "this too, shall pass."  There are no intrusive voices,  perhaps an occasional muted tone discussing which lot to mow next or where to plant the flowers.  There's an air of reverence and a gentle breeze that lifts my spirit and reminds me to press on and remember that I am not laid to rest yet.  I make eye contact with my beautiful blue-eyed daughter who's been riding along in her stroller and together we smile as a goose flies overhead honking for it's flight mates to wait up.  And just like that I am centered once again -- reminded to recognize the beauty that is right in front of me instead of training my eyes to the future.

  I will be back out to "play" with all my new friends soon, but for today I will soak up the silent comfort of the golden sunbeam drenching my shoulders in warmth and feel the paved road with each firm step I take leading me back home.  I will hold onto this golden silence as long as I'm able.  And ... I will imagine the day we've been told of -- when we shall meet more than Facebook friends...but all folks who have walked the face of the earth.  Can you imagine the fantastic stories we'll hear...of heroism and heartbreak.  We will have FOREVER to hear the intricate details from the perspective of legends and we'll discover the unsung tales of the quiet souls who helped shape eternal history...

But, again, what is in front of me instead of what is to come...Kids just got home from school;)