Over the last few days I've been hitting the social media stuff pretty hard. Facebook, e-mail, and...(I'm embarrassed to admit I don't know if the phone is considered social media or just outdated)...texting probably counts so I'll throw that in here too since I've done a lot.. hbu?
All this input has caused me to ... well, freak out a bit. Please understand I have been living the "unseen life" of mothering for a decade and a half now and this sudden exposure of my life is a bit like walking into neon-bright sunshine after having been nestled in the shaded forest for eons. I suppose my urge to "shut down" and hide today is a bit like the reaction of pupils contracting when a flashlight is pointed directly in the eye (as in a concussion test). Eventually, the contracted pupil, as well as my flagging confidence, will expand to let more light in once it does not perceive itself as threatened.
But for today, nerves on edge and wanting to flee to anonymity I headed to my favorite destination to walk: the nearby cemetery. Strangely, this place holds no morbid fascination nor fear for me. Instead, I appreciate the silence that soothes like a balm to my frenzied pace. It's also hard to miss the fact that the stone markers I pass each lend quiet testimony to a life once lived -- but no longer. They also serve as a reminder that "this too, shall pass." There are no intrusive voices, perhaps an occasional muted tone discussing which lot to mow next or where to plant the flowers. There's an air of reverence and a gentle breeze that lifts my spirit and reminds me to press on and remember that I am not laid to rest yet. I make eye contact with my beautiful blue-eyed daughter who's been riding along in her stroller and together we smile as a goose flies overhead honking for it's flight mates to wait up. And just like that I am centered once again -- reminded to recognize the beauty that is right in front of me instead of training my eyes to the future.
I will be back out to "play" with all my new friends soon, but for today I will soak up the silent comfort of the golden sunbeam drenching my shoulders in warmth and feel the paved road with each firm step I take leading me back home. I will hold onto this golden silence as long as I'm able. And ... I will imagine the day we've been told of -- when we shall meet more than Facebook friends...but all folks who have walked the face of the earth. Can you imagine the fantastic stories we'll hear...of heroism and heartbreak. We will have FOREVER to hear the intricate details from the perspective of legends and we'll discover the unsung tales of the quiet souls who helped shape eternal history...
But, again, what is in front of me instead of what is to come...Kids just got home from school;)
Susan, I so understand. Having just entered the world of social media myself after starting Quantum Balance Erie, it can be completely overwhelming. It does eventually get easier, but I applaud you for going offline and attending to real life. You may see IRL from time to time (In Real Life) which is a sad commentary, because what we live IS real, what is electronically transmitted...just not so much. Enjoy the blue eyed baby and the warmth on your shoulders and yes, I agree, it will be a glorious day when we have FOREVER to hear all the wonderful stories of those that have gone before us! Keep writing, I love your "keeping it real" style!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lois! I appreciate your comments~ I really do. Strange to have to distinguish which part of our life is real and not so real...Feels so "futuristic" like how we used to think the stuff on Jetsons would never happen (he'd talk into his watch (yeah right!) to his wife and now look at skype/webcams, Ipads, Iphones etc...not to mention plug in cars and motorized scooters (weeeeeeee!). Again, thanks for your encouragement and comforting words. Hope you are living the "Real" life today! ~Susan
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