Out of Control (by Diane Gallagher)

 Guest Blogger Wednesday :) The older my children get, the more I feel “out of control.”  Out of control of their preferences, their choice of friends, their bedrooms etc...  Granted, I still can “control” their actions by grounding them from x-box, tv, and other electronics, but I have very little to say about how they truly feel on the inside….and that is a scary feeling.  I look at their individual personalities, strengths and weaknesses and yes, I sometimes see Jim and I mirrored in them, for better or worse.  They also possess traits that neither Jim nor I exhibit, for better or worse.J  I suppose it is the whole nature vs. nurture phenomenon.  Even though my older children are only at the middle school/junior high level, they are beginning to develop crushes, particular tastes in music, and want to choose their own styles in clothing, etc.  It is so hard for me to shut my mouth and stifle the lectures as I desperately try to impose my preferences on them.  How challenging it is to let them be who God created them to be which may be very different from what I was expecting.  The whole process requires balance and prayer, as I’ve written in previous blogs, in order to determine which battles to fight, which causes are worth it, and which issues are salvation issues.

One small example of this is occurring in our household right now with my eldest son (I am fully aware that these issues get bigger as the kids grow up….can’t wait!)  He is a big music fan, often times preferring songs that would not be on the Christian music charts.  In fact, he is not really crazy about Christian music period, much to my disappointment.  I have purchased the WOW cd’s (a compilation of the top Christian hits of the years from various artists) so he could listen to a variety of music and scoured the iTunes store with him to try to come up with some songs he might like.  Unfortunately, he has found only one song that he has actually downloaded onto his iPod.  Our last ditch effort is coming up this weekend:  my husband, who is not a huge Christian music fan himself but sees the merit in it, is taking my three boys to the Creation Music Festival.  They will campout in our tent, eat over the fire, participate in some “extreme” sports – and listen to a plethora of Christian artists from every musical genre possible.  We figure that this might spark some greater interest in our boys, particularly our eldest, to see the musicians live in concert and get caught up in the festival hype.  Then it is time to let go.  Surrender.  It is out of our control. We have to allow our children to be themselves … not little Jim and Diane robots.  I realize that every parent will have a different limit that is between themselves, God and the child before they relinquish control.  “As long as you are living under my roof ” kind of thing.  It is so important to have those standards until our children reach adulthood.  The trick is to determine when we need to enforce and when we need to relinquish.  Forcing my son to “like” certain music is probably not going to be very effective.  I can tell him he is not allowed to download music with bad language or messages and he may not watch music videos that are inappropriate, but I cannot force my musical tastes on him.  This is when I must remember that my children are only mine temporarily.  They are gifts from God for my husband and I to raise and nurture the best we can, but they are ultimately His.  I must entrust them to Him….easy to say but hard to do.  The more I let myself move out of the driver seat, the more I can relax as a passenger.  It’s actually quite freeing to be “out of control.” J