Pardon the Interruption (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday. :)  The kids seemed preoccupied so I snuck into the office to compile my grocery list and meal plan for the week only to be followed by my 1 yr old who did not want me to be sitting at the computer at that moment.  I became frustrated and slumped over to the couch where Elly began to happily play, so I wrote my blog instead.

My husband lazily woke on his second day of vacation to discover that I had a broken ipod that needed fixing (water and electronics are never a good mixL).  He had been planning on getting his motorcycle inspected or taking a walk at the beach but instead he begrudgingly spent the morning at Verizon.

 Two different scenarios but one similar theme:  what we hope to achieve or do in a day is often very different from what we actually do accomplish.  In other words, as I heard about in a recent homily, life is full of interruptions.  The question is, how do we handle them?  Maybe it’s our sleep being interrupted by a sick child or our leisure time interrupted by needy children (aforementioned needs being anything from hunger to peacemaking or help on the potty).  Maybe it’s our meal prep being interrupted by homework demands or housecleaning interrupted by car pool dilemmas.  Many times my intended plans are good and important, but just obviously not what was supposed to happen that day or at that moment.  Man, do I hate that!  When I have a goal in mind, I can get very frustrated when I do not succeed.  I can get downright annoyed at the child or circumstance that became the obstacle. 

That’s why the homily on interruptions struck such a chord with me.  The homilist pointed out how often Jesus’ plans were interrupted.  For example, He thought He was going to the mountain to pray, but instead was approached at least three times, according to one gospel account, and asked to heal someone – a leper, the centurion’s slave, Peter’s mother-in-law (Matthew 8).  Each time, He said “yes” and tended to the need at the moment, laying aside His own plan for the day.  He didn’t whine about it or say “no” because He was planning on praying and preaching that day.  This doesn’t mean He would never say “no” to an interruption if what He was doing at the moment was the priority, but it’s all about knowing when we need to be open to interruptions and allow them to change our course for the day vs. when we need to stay the course we are on.  When a friend calls to do coffee, and I am in the middle of paying my bills, I may need to say “no” to the tempting interruption.  But if that friend is upset and needs to talk, I may need to stay up late that night to get the bills paid.  Knowing the difference is the true challenge.  All I can do is pray my morning offering each day – surrendering my day to God – and then pray that I can follow His subtle or blatant nudging, trusting my gut when there are no obvious signs.  I know I make poor calls sometimes and don’t always distinguish between a necessary or unnecessary interruption, but I at least hope this awareness will help me be a little more patient the next time that anticipated two-hour nap becomes a 15 minute snooze because of a poopy diaper.  My days unfold the way they are supposed to, with just the right crosses and victories necessary for me to get to heaven.  Why fight it?

Somebody's Watching (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday :) I was rushing into the new woman’s hospital to visit my niece who had just lost her baby six weeks prior to her due date.  We were devastated for them, so I wanted to express my sympathy and support – but had a limited window of time as my sister was sitting in the van with my two little ones, and she had to be at work soon.  I had never been in this new hospital and was totally unprepared for the heavy security that visitors had to go through in order to enter the facility.  There was a line at the desk where you had to show ID and have your photo taken.  Of course, I did not have my wallet on me since I had jumped out of the van quickly so I was trying to get the security officer’s attention just to determine if I really had to have my ID for this brief, solitary visit.  Unfortunately, he was too busy tending to the people in front of me to pay me any heed.  I was getting more and more anxious as I watched my allotted time ticking away, and I finally stepped out of line.  I noticed a receptionist sitting at a desk in the lobby so I rushed over to ask my question.  I was huffy and abrupt, very obviously annoyed.  When I asked if I could enter without ID, a gentleman next to the receptionist asked whom I was there to see.  When I told him, he very graciously extended his sympathy for our family’s loss and asked if I was a Toohey.  I reluctantly admitted that I was, and he proceeded to inform me of his fondness for my parents with whom he was acquainted and offered to facilitate a quick entry for me into the building.  I immediately apologized for my impatience, and he brushed it off, but internally I was mortified.  It was a humbling moment.  I suspect that if I had known the employees at the hospital or realized that they knew my family, I would have been more patient and kind in my response to the situation.  I subconsciously let my guard down simply because I thought these people were strangers, and I wasn’t accountable for my deeds.  My impatience reflected poorly on my family, myself, and God whom I claim to follow.  Where was my whole “golden rule” behavior?  “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”  I’m not just supposed to exhibit that attitude when it is easy and convenient.  It’s supposed to be a part of my every interaction. 

I remember my sister sharing a story about a time she went to a party.  The host and hostess were upstairs in the baby’s room, gossiping about some of the guests and didn’t realize the baby monitor was on. Awkward.   Likewise, a friend of mine accidentally pocket dialed the person that she and her spouse were “venting” about at that moment.  What timing!  These incidents are good reminders of the behavior we should always be demonstrating, though.  My sister had been appalled by the baby monitor conversation and responded that none of us should ever be saying anything in private that could not be shared in public.  Yikes!  Another good lesson for me.  I don’t generally gossip but can definitely say more than I should, especially to my husband, in the name of “healthy venting” when I’m struggling with a person or situation.  The bottom line is that I shouldn’t be saying or doing anything in private or in public that would embarrass me, get me into trouble, or disappoint my Heavenly Father.  I frequently tell my children to ask themselves if they would be saying, watching, doing what they are if Jesus was standing next to them.  I guess I should apply this to my life as well.  I have a feeling I will be learning these valuable lessons until the day I die, being human and all.  Hopefully, I won’t destroy my family’s reputation in the process.J

Out of Control (by Diane Gallagher)

 Guest Blogger Wednesday :) The older my children get, the more I feel “out of control.”  Out of control of their preferences, their choice of friends, their bedrooms etc...  Granted, I still can “control” their actions by grounding them from x-box, tv, and other electronics, but I have very little to say about how they truly feel on the inside….and that is a scary feeling.  I look at their individual personalities, strengths and weaknesses and yes, I sometimes see Jim and I mirrored in them, for better or worse.  They also possess traits that neither Jim nor I exhibit, for better or worse.J  I suppose it is the whole nature vs. nurture phenomenon.  Even though my older children are only at the middle school/junior high level, they are beginning to develop crushes, particular tastes in music, and want to choose their own styles in clothing, etc.  It is so hard for me to shut my mouth and stifle the lectures as I desperately try to impose my preferences on them.  How challenging it is to let them be who God created them to be which may be very different from what I was expecting.  The whole process requires balance and prayer, as I’ve written in previous blogs, in order to determine which battles to fight, which causes are worth it, and which issues are salvation issues.

One small example of this is occurring in our household right now with my eldest son (I am fully aware that these issues get bigger as the kids grow up….can’t wait!)  He is a big music fan, often times preferring songs that would not be on the Christian music charts.  In fact, he is not really crazy about Christian music period, much to my disappointment.  I have purchased the WOW cd’s (a compilation of the top Christian hits of the years from various artists) so he could listen to a variety of music and scoured the iTunes store with him to try to come up with some songs he might like.  Unfortunately, he has found only one song that he has actually downloaded onto his iPod.  Our last ditch effort is coming up this weekend:  my husband, who is not a huge Christian music fan himself but sees the merit in it, is taking my three boys to the Creation Music Festival.  They will campout in our tent, eat over the fire, participate in some “extreme” sports – and listen to a plethora of Christian artists from every musical genre possible.  We figure that this might spark some greater interest in our boys, particularly our eldest, to see the musicians live in concert and get caught up in the festival hype.  Then it is time to let go.  Surrender.  It is out of our control. We have to allow our children to be themselves … not little Jim and Diane robots.  I realize that every parent will have a different limit that is between themselves, God and the child before they relinquish control.  “As long as you are living under my roof ” kind of thing.  It is so important to have those standards until our children reach adulthood.  The trick is to determine when we need to enforce and when we need to relinquish.  Forcing my son to “like” certain music is probably not going to be very effective.  I can tell him he is not allowed to download music with bad language or messages and he may not watch music videos that are inappropriate, but I cannot force my musical tastes on him.  This is when I must remember that my children are only mine temporarily.  They are gifts from God for my husband and I to raise and nurture the best we can, but they are ultimately His.  I must entrust them to Him….easy to say but hard to do.  The more I let myself move out of the driver seat, the more I can relax as a passenger.  It’s actually quite freeing to be “out of control.” J

"A" For Effort (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday : )

Before the end of the school year, I went to an academic awards ceremony honoring the highest achievers in 5^th and 6^th grade children in each subject.  I admit that I was hesitant to make this ceremony a priority as I was uncertain if my boys would win.  Having the three little ones with me, I definitely make choices and don’t get to all of the school events.  Regardless, I chose to attend and was glad that my boys’ names were called a couple times for various acknowledgments (and the smiles on their faces when they looked over at me made the effort worth itJ).  What pleased me even more was that the staff was not just honoring those with highest achievement, but they also gave an award in each subject to those who made the greatest effort.  I am a sucker for effort.  Whether as a teacher back in my pre-“married with children” days or as a mother in my current state of life, I respond much better to a child who makes great effort but fails than I do to the one who does something half-heartedly and somehow achieves success. 

Now, as a mother I often feel like a total failure…sometimes because I lose my temper or I am unhappy about how I handle a situation, other times because my children do something embarrassing or thoughtless that could not possibly have happened if his/her mother was a good parent!   But as I reflected on the academic awards in effort, I found great solace.  I have always told my children and friends that while I may only receive a “D” in achievement as a parent, I most definitely get an “A” for effort.  My husband and I have tried more discipline plans, more chore charts, more prayer schedules than one could fathom.  We have read books (not always so helpful…refer to earlier blogJ), gone on diets or tried to determine what we need to do to improve ourselves so we can be better, more patient parents. I wake up early to pray and put on the armor of God before the battles begin each day. We have joined bible studies, implemented new strategies…all to be better parents or bring more peace/order/faithfulness/love to our family life.   But we forget to keep track of the chores, and we lose our temper when they delete our videos off our flipcam or smash our ipad (true stories), and we let them watch too much TV or play too much X-box sometimes.  Then there’s that cookie I let my 2 yr. old eat right before dinner because I just can’t handle one more tantrum.  Not so successful in the world’s eyes.  Fortunately, Mother Theresa reminded us that “God doesn’t ask us to be successful ... just faithful.”  So I will not give up, though I am tempted to sometimes.   I will appreciate those occasional successes when a parent tells me how well-mannered and kind my son is or one of them gets 1^st honors or wins the student council elections.  And I will try not to crawl into a hole when my neighbor calls to tell me my son was climbing on the roof of our house or my 2 yr. old is running around naked in the front yard. “God doesn’t ask us to be successful, just faithful.”  I am faithful.  I know He is pleased with my attempts in spite of my failures, and I do believe He would give me an “A” for effort (though I might have a checkmark next to conduct).  I guess there’s always room for improvement!

Enjoy Your Children (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday :)

“Enjoy your children!”  These were the gentle yet firm words spoken to me by my spiritual director on more than one occasion.  Enjoy them?  How the heck am I supposed to do that?  I can easily be exhausted by them…or frustrated… or embarrassed by them….or get angry with them.  But enjoy them?  I have to cook and clean and do laundry and homework and change diapers and go grocery shopping and tend sick kids and pay bills.  Just exactly when am I supposed to enjoy them?  Having a children ranging in age from 1 to 12 also provides a challenge.  How do I do fun things with them that will satisfy the entertainment meter of my 5 yr old glamour girl and my 12 yr old “air soft freak” as he calls himself?  An impossible task, or so it would seem.  The perfectionist in me wants to come up with creative activities to do with my kids so we can “enjoy” each other (I used to do this more often when I just had my 3 boys).  Now I have no energy for creative activities.  It seems I am so task oriented that I take every free moment to get more work done.  I actually have to force myself to sit down and “play” with my kids sometimes (other than night and naptime stories or walks to our neighborhood park).  I think this is partially because I set my standards for enjoyment too high.  I do not need to have an afternoon to go to a movie with my boys.  How about 10 minutes to talk while I am doing dishes and my 9 yr old is sharing about his latest dodge ball game in gym class.  Or 15 minutes to play one round of Candyland with my 3 and 5 yr olds instead of trying to carve out a couple hours to go to a princess dance party.  These bigger events can be fun and important too, but I don’t need to forego the small ones just because I am attempting to plan the bigger ones, which are much less frequent.  To me, enjoying my children means laughing with them, appreciating their good qualities and talents, taking time to just be with them and come to know them better.  I know I will be sad one day that I didn’t take time to do this more.  The dishes will always be there.   I am looking forward to taking a cake decorating class with my 11 yr. old son, but I also need to appreciate watching my 7 yr old blast her way down the soccer field and my 1 yr old waddle across our kitchen floor clutching a cereal box that is as big as she is.  Enjoyment comes in many forms and that is my challenge – to find ways to enjoy each one of my children every day even if that means peeking in their bedrooms at the end of a long day and smiling upon their sleeping faces.  After all, St. Therese said “does a parent love their children any less when they are sleeping?  No, sometimes even more!” 

Footnote:  It was the end of a long, busy day and I was finally sitting down with a glass of wine, my paper and pen.  I was actually going to attempt to write my blog a little early and in a peaceful environment!  I was about half way through when my 11 year old shuffled in the room and asked if he could sit on my lap.  My first reaction (sadly) was to say no because I wanted to finish my writing, and I was on a roll.  Before the words could come out of my mouth, I realized that this was an opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and to take a moment to enjoy my son.  He does not sit on my lap often as it is usually filled by my 1 yr. old, 3 yr old or 5 yr old.  This was a rare moment to cherish, not brush off.  So I put my paper and pen down and enjoyed 5 minutes snuggling and chatting with my son, and then he was ready to move on.  I am so glad I made the right choice… and writing this blog is what helped me make itJ