Creative Spaces

  Up here in my little wooden room I have a view on the "goings on" in my yard.  It might not be the hustle and bustle of a New York City street that parades under my window but I'm very much at peace with that.

  This was a hard earned view.  When we first moved in to our house eight years ago, this room was "my space."  I was thrilled to be able to set up a creative haven in the very room I used to sleep in while visiting my grandparents as a young girl.  The whole full-circle thing added a cool vibe to the room that was already unique in design.  And better yet...it was to be mine...all mine.  This lasted until sibling rivalry, cramped quarters, and a son's desires for a space to be "his...all his" moved me to the open landing at the top of the stairs.  Beautiful white vases chock full of paint brushes, artist pads, and sharpie markers that once were confined behind a coded lock now beckoned the creativity of all who passed by...probably even the visiting neighborhood kids.  It appeared no-one could resist the call.  It was only a matter of time until a play room was needed for the kids and I headed for the first floor to share an office space with my husband, which was wonderful in theory not so much in reality.  That freshly painted, eclectically decorated space was to exist as an artists den for a nano-second anyway.  The son who needed his own space apparently needed more than a hallway to separate him from the clattering of youngsters and headed to the first floor to kick off his teenage independence from early bedtimes, night-time stories, and little kid stuff.  So, I was back to the second floor and life in full swing.  I don't even think I unpacked fully, just kind of kept dumping more on the surfaces until the coolest thing upstairs was the obstacle course comprised of Mom's junk, bins of Lego's, flowy dress-up costumes, Nerf swords, and boxes of papers that found a home there each time company was coming.

  When we decided it was time to actually finish the drywall upstairs I was like a restless nomad, wandering until, against better judgement, I moved my beloved articles to the laundry room in the basement.  Yes, these inspirational novels, paints, sketchpads, journals, and pictures which once whispered creative sweet-nothings to me now rebelled in silence covered in one layer of dust, a hint of cobwebs and a fine sheen of dryer lint.

  Funny how life brings out a simple truth that less is best.  I learned to create at the kitchen table and journal in bed before falling asleep, or scrawl in whichever half-used spiral notebook was closest at hand .  My Grandmother, who lived in this very house had a saying that brings it all home, "It is what it is."  True that.  I learned this truth in time to witness my oldest son grow up and follow his heart to yet another space that would be his...all his; an apartment in a neighboring town.  I'm glad we could give him the space he needed while it was needed.  My love of stringing words together doesn't need it's own space -- though it's GREATLY appreciated.  And truth be told, I can doodle on a t.v. tray if need be. 

  The night our eldest moved out, his first-floor room was occupied by the second eldest who had been rooming in this wooden space I am writing from.  Though I had to kick his roommates out to get this space I am BACK!!  I'm now allowing those roomies; two stuffed bears, a glassy eyed buck, a turkey in full flight, a fluffy fox-squirrel, and a beady-eyed black squirrel wander like nomads.  And here's some good news- I've only developed a SLIGHT eye twitch since the eldest daughter casually sized up my space and dropped several non-subtle hints about the unfairness in which her brothers had been able to have their own rooms and she was sharing with two sisters. 

twitch...twitch...twitch 

Peace In the Chaos (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday. :) Baby is napping.  3 yr. old home from first day of preschool and watching Leap Frog.  It is quiet.  Wow!  I have not experienced this sensation at 1:40 pm in 3 months!  I must admit that I like it!  Don’t get me wrong:  I love my kids, and they each make me smile in different ways (and they each can make me crazy in different ways, too), but the chaos gets to me after a while.  Friends in and out the door, constant questions being asked or injuries being tended to.  Dirty clothes lying  on top of food wrappers, empty plates and cups (and some not so empty). Football games in the front yard and swim parties in the back.  Waldameer, the Zoo, the beach, family vacations, sleepovers and camp outs.  Extended family reunions and tennis lessons. Vacation Bible Schools, cookouts, Camp Notre Dame.  Soccer games (lots of them) , trips to the park and trips to Nana’s or Papa’s in Cleveland.  Ok, just writing all of that makes me feel a little better about the level of exhaustion my husband and I are both experiencing going into the school year.  Time to take a deep breath.  And so I find myself saying….”what next?”  I almost feel guilty that I don’t have a big agenda today.  My house is a big, post-summer disaster.  My laundry piles are the biggest they have ever been.  My grocery list is getting longer.  And I am sitting in my house writing my blog and enjoying the peace.  My big plan for today is washing my boys’ muddy football uniforms and making cookies for a nice after school treat in honor of their first day.  I guess I will make some dinner, too.  While I can feel guilty about not getting more done today, I know that it is good for me to slow down once in a while. 

My husband and I just had a lengthy conversation last night about what we can do to achieve more peace in our daily lives.  We have had many of these discussions over the past 14 years and don’t often see much change, but darn it, we will keep trying.  One concrete initiative we are making is to designate Wednesday evenings as our personal days.  We are going to take turns having time for whatever we want.  On my weeks, I can go grocery shopping, have coffee with friends, or go on a walk.  It is my choice, and I will not feel guilty about leaving.  Likewise, Jim will have the alternating weeks to do what he wants, guilt-free.  We are both craving quiet and peace… things that are not running rampant in the Gallagher household.  Having 7 kids, we need to accept the fact that quiet and peace are not going to be common at this stage in our life, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try to give each other little snippets of this now and then.  I need to get back into my early morning routine of waking before the kids and taking some quiet time with God and my cup of coffee.  Those quiet moments before the kids arise are so important to my sanity for the day. 

Both of these efforts in finding peace are helpful, but I realize that what I also need to be better at is finding peace “in the chaos,” to quote a good friend of mine with 6 kids herself.  So often, I think I need to make changes or find time for myself … “and then I will be more peaceful.”  Yeah, that’s good and nice if I can get out twice a month, but wouldn’t it be even better if I could figure out how to bring peace right into the here and now?  Not just at 6 am or every other Wednesday?  My spiritual director has reminded that to have internal peace inside does not mean that everything is peaceful around me.  Taking deep breaths, muttering Hail Mary’s at a moment I might explode, turning on the music (see last week’s blog), taking the kids for a walk, tickling the ivories just for fun (that’s playing piano for those of you not in tune with musical jargon;), attending daily Mass,.  Peace is something we certainly all desire … in our hearts, in our families, in our world.  The more I can achieve internal peace, the better I will handle the turmoil around me.  Wouldn’t it be great if I could actually bring peace to those around me instead of contributing to the commotion with my high-spirited yelling and intense reactions.?  If I truly want our family to have a more peaceful home, I need to work on myself first… and hope that will have a ripple effect.  Yes, another character flaw to work on.  In the meantime, I think I will enjoy my final moments of external peace before the bus empties and my rambunctious students pour through the door with their overflowing folders, big appetites, busy agendas and eager expectations.  I will have that cup of coffee and pray that Hail Mary…. and be ready to be the most peaceful Mom on the bus route.  Here’s to a great… and peaceful… school year!

Terrible Twos (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest Blogger Wednesday. :) My freshly-turned 3-year-old is going through a delayed version of the terrible twos.  It’s possible that these frequent meltdowns can be partially attributed to the fact that we took her pacifier away at the beginning of the summer so she no longer has her instant calming aid to take the edge off.  Or it might just be her feisty personality which isn’t so very different from her Mommy’s and Daddy’s.  Whatever the case, it is exhausting me!  She gets upset about everything:  if her shorts are crooked or I select the wrong show on Netflix or I put the wrong floaty on her at the pool and so on and so on.  One never knows what will tip her over the edge.  As I slumped on the couch during her most recent tirade, I was struck by the fact that God must get so tired of MY constant tantrums. I get so easily annoyed, angry, frustrated or stressed out.  I was watching the movie Crash for the second time (thought-provoking movie…well done) and found myself relating to Sandra Bullock’s character when she was admitting to her friend that she is always angry at someone or something. 

My husband laughs at me when I get angry because I mutter under my breath as I am chucking laundry into the washing machine or slamming silverware into the dishwasher.  Just like my 3-year- old, one never knows what will set me off:  ungrateful kids, a messy room, a classmate who makes fun of my child, a coach who doesn’t tap into my child’s potential, a family member with different standards of disciplining, a neighbor who wants us to  move our basketball hoop, a teacher who gives too much homework, a priest who does not make me feel welcome, a TV station that shows inappropriate ads, a government that prohibits religious freedom, a husband who doesn’t unroll his shirt sleeves when he throws them in the hamper.  Oh, there are so very many things that have the potential to irritate me.  So I slosh my dishes and slam my washer and whine to no one in particular.  In fact, I try not to complain to others.  I know better than to spread the negative poison so I convince myself that my irritations are justified, and I am only verbalizing them to my husband or a friend/family member here and there.  No big deal.  Ohhhhh, but it is.  I am allowing these negative thoughts to take root. 

I remember hearing an analogy once about impure thoughts: they are like birds and we should just let them fly over our heads.  It’s only if we allow the bird to build a nest in our hair that the thoughts become a problem.  The same can be said for negativity.  When I get angry or annoyed and allow myself to stay that way, feeling quite justified, it’s like I am putting up a sign on my forehead that says “hey, bird, build your nest here!”  I need to start heeding the advice I so freely give my 3-year-old (and 9 yr. old and 12 yr. old):  “If you can’t say something nice, (or positive or edifying) don’t say anything at all.”  That’s one of my Dad’s gems.  Next time I have a tantrum, I should put myself in timeout.  No, that sounds too relaxing.  Maybe I should just lose a privilege.  Or keep it really basic and simply say a prayer…right then and there…for the irritating person or frustrating situation.  Give it to God and then move on.  Let the bird fly right over my head.  I would feel much lighter without all this negativity weighing me down…. And I would certainly smell better too.

“Preach the Gospel always ... use words when necessary” (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday :) Many of you have probably heard the saying from St. Francis of Assisi, “Preach the gospel always.  Use words when necessary.”  I love this phrase probably because I am not a good debater.  I have great ideas in my head, but if I am caught off guard and challenged, my words get all muddled and I have a hard time articulating my thoughts.  So the idea that my actions can be a form of preaching is a great source of comfort (also a little scary when my actions are less than Christ-likeJ).  I was given a great gift last year when a friend of mine shared a story of how my actions positively impacted another, and I had no idea!  I was at an ice skating rink watching my 6 yr old when a stranger and I began to converse.  I was expecting my 7^th baby at the time … and the usual conversation took place:  “Oh…is this your 2^nd baby?”  To which I replied, “Not quite … it’s my 7^th.” This response usually evokes a range of reactions from “Wow!  How do you do it?” to “Do you know how this happens?”  or “Are you done now?” to “You’ve got your hands full!”  Most of the time, people are pretty positive and friendly regardless of their initial reaction … and this was no exception. The woman turned to her husband and said “did you hear that?  She is expecting her 7^th baby.”  We continued gabbing for a couple minutes, but it was not a long conversation as the girls were finishing their lesson.  We exchanged farewells, and I never thought of the conversation again.  I did not evangelize or say how great it is to have 7 kids…. I even felt a little guilty that I didn’t say more.  I simply shared that we didn’t necessarily plan it but were trying to be open ...  that my husband and I both came from larger families and liked it.  That’s all.  I didn’t quote scripture or the Catechism.  I was just myself. 

Months later I was talking to a friend of mine (not one I see or talk to often as she lives about ½ hr outside of Erie), and she told me a fun little story.   She has some friends who have a couple kids and who thought they were done, but had recently been struggling with this and wondering if they should be open to more.  They shared that they had been at an ice skating rink and met a woman who was pregnant with her 7^th child.  Surprisingly, our little conversation and meeting seemed to affect them, and they decided to try to have more babies.  My friend thought of me and asked the woman what I looked like.  When she discovered that it was me, she was quick to tell me about it.  I was so grateful that she shared this chain of events as my husband and I were a little overwhelmed with the idea of having a 7^th and were still adjusting to what this would mean.  It was refreshing and humbling to see that our situation could help another person/family.  God gave me that little gift to encourage and affirm me … that my witness goes a long way.  I don’t always have to be the most eloquent speaker or informed debater (though God certainly uses those gifts in other individuals) to share His light and message.  I do not often feel worthy as I am so aware of my own faults and weaknesses, but God uses me in spite of my sins. You never know how your actions or simple words might be just the gospel message that the stranger, family member or friend needed to see/hear.  “Preach the gospel always.  Use words when necessary.”  St. Francis, pray for us.

Drum roll please...

 I am SOOO excited to introduce you to the wisdom, humor, and authentic goodness of a very dear friend of mine (and soon to be yours), Diane Gallagher.  She, too, is a mother of seven ... hey, didn't you know we travel in packs? 

“Diane, may I introduce you to the internet’s most savvy and brilliant blog followers?” 
(Pleasantries exchanged) 

“And now, dear Harborlily Creative Readers, hold onto your hats...or at least take cover as you gain an insider’s view into a lively household of seven, mostly redheaded, cute as they come, Irish/Polish kiddos.”

Diane will be joining us here every Wednesday come heck or high water … or kids with fevers over 104 degrees. She’s a woman who'd like to share her insights as she strives to live a life committed to God's Will for her marriage and family. Join us as Diane shares her joys, hopes, and her secret on how to make the perfect peanut butter with honey sandwich in our new blogger series. 

After reading Diane’s post, please be so kind as to COMMENT with topics you'd like discussed. Subjects as vague as "How to pray with kids," or as specific as, "I need help removing a stain on my child's altar serving garment that was soiled when the smell of incense caused my offspring to grow woozy and vomit before hitting his head whilst he collapsed from heat exhaustion on the altar."  In which case, it may be time for us to start a Prayer Intercessory column. ;)

Without further rambling ... I present to you our very first guest writer MRS. DIANE GALLAGHER! 

~ ~ ~ ~

It's been said that raising children is like building a cathedral: it takes years of hard work, but you may never see the results. "Cathedrals," you say?  I'm building cathedrals? That is both a relief and a little scary. My name is Diane Gallagher, and I am extremely busy these days building seven cathedrals. No wonder I am so exhausted!  Before I got into "construction", let me tell you a little bit more about me.

 I was a high school teacher, youth minister, retreat leader and chastity program
coordinator. I met my husband while serving on NET ministries, an evangelization program that sends teams across the United States to put on retreats for high school teens. I have to believe that through the past 13 years of construction, God has taught us some valuable lessons both through our failures and our successes about guilt-free parenting, marriage, sacrifice, peace and much, much more.  We are learning more every day (whether we want to or not. :)

I am excited to be writing a guest blog on Harborlily Creative. Since High school, I have enjoyed writing, journaling and creating ideas, but have not had much opportunity to tap into this lately.  Thanks to the gentle nudging of my dear friend, Susan Yurkewicz, I am finally exercising these muscles again and will be posting a weekly reflection. My goal is to offer encouragement and support by sharing my own experiences as a Catholic wife and mother in a sincere and honest manner.  I want to relate the Gospel message to our own daily walks as parents. If one thing I share can validate, reassure, or relieve a fellow parent, then my mission here is complete.

In the next month I am hoping to write about "celebrating" Holy Week with your family, spring cleaning (your house and your soul), and applying Christ's passion to our role as parents.  As Susan mentioned in her kind introduction, I welcome suggestions for future posts.  I do hope you will return!