Well...(silence in my brain with subtle undertones of piped in music at Tim Horton's in the background)... Not quite sure where to start except to say that my life had entered the vortex of "discovering myself" and then went warp speed in the direction of the Bermuda Triangle where I feared if I ventured any closer I might never be heard from again...
Do you remember that job I mentioned in an earlier post- the one I had taken on the spot without much thought? Well, even if you don't, suffice it to say I did not tentatively touch my big toe to the waters of what could be (in the working world)- but rather, I plunged with both feet into the puddle and danced with abandon like a child. A few days doing the backstroke in my shallow waters and I began to feel waterlogged. A couple weeks of doing business, research, making contacts with other swimmers and I realized I did not have my life vest on and was in peril.
I had developed a pattern of trying to sneak to my work pile and computer, only to be discovered and narked out to the rest of the family, "Mom! You're here! Hey guys, MOM'S UPSTAAAAIRS!!! I found her!" Yes, that child was thrilled to be held in the hero's status complete with victory warhoops being sounded down below. That victorious surge of energy lasted only until we made eye contact and the traitor slithered from the room leaving the deathstare to be suffered by those whose footsteps were now pounding up the stairs in hot pursuit of Mama. Yes, I had reached new desperate lows during that brief stint that was bringing out my Jekyll and Hyde around the homestead. I had my eyes squinting, teeth bared, finger pointing towards the nearest exit - "Look" down pat for the those business calls that were meant to be heard without children shrieking in the background. I had also gotten pretty accurate in my aim with whatever shoe happened to be within arms reach. I learned to put a spin on the lighter slippers but to hold steady with the firmer rubber-soled walking shoe.
However, these were, by far, not my most important lessons learned. I had gained a new appreciation for the days that used to feel like "just another day". The day without anything scheduled became the backdrop for the volume to be turned up on the stereo and my "Sweetie baby honey lovie wanna squish your cute little cheeks" (daughter once known before work as my almost two year old) and I- to dance without any inhibitions. I rediscovered the joy of giving a girl a mani/pedi during just such a day. A week later and she's still holding out her tiny chipped nails for passersby to admire and ducking with a shy smile when they do!
Yes, I don't regret a minute of the time spent on a "job". I will forever be grateful to the woman who believed in my abilities with such a fervor she convinced me I could do this work part-time and mother my seven children without it taking a toll. It's certainly flattering to have someone recognize and value talents which have been employed mainly within the home for the last 15 years...
However, the time had come to gently disengage myself from that position and turn off "mothering auto- pilot". It's time to fully engage with the shrieking children who are also the face of innocence as they slip into their dreams during evening's twilight. Now is the only moment I'm offered to live through the reality of sleepy bed-heads stumbling toward me with outstretched arms needing to be hugged into the new day. And I am in no way judging working parents- I am in awe of all they must accomplish on an ongoing daily basis. I am simply stating...with a sigh of relief...I tried it and now I know that is NOT what I am to be doing at this stage in my life. HOWEVER, more to come in upcoming posts to the exciting things I AM being called to move forward with!!! (hint...it involves publishing!)
I would absolutely LOVE and be thrilled to no ends if you'd post a comment to let me know if you can relate (even a teensy bit) to this saga. Or if there's anything you've learned from working in or out of the home. Thank you dear readers!
I have learned that a chirping bird that is at the other end of the house (four rooms away) can be heard as clear as a bell by your business associate on the other end of the phone.
ReplyDelete