You Can't Always Get What You Want (by Diane Gallagher)

 (Guest Blogger Wednesday :) I want to get a massage.  I need to get my hair cut.  Both require money (in varying amounts), babysitting arrangements and planning (pitiful to say that it takes planning for me to get my haircut, but that is my reality) but the former is something I can live without while the latter is a necessity for me. These are obvious examples, but sometimes it can be a little trickier to distinguish between a want and a need.  I remember a friend of mine from years gone by who used to challenge me if I would use the word “need” incorrectly. “I NEED to go shopping for a new bathing suit.”  He would reply, “You NEED a new bathing suit?  Or do you WANT one?”  Needless to say, that would annoy the heck out of me sometimes, but it did make me stop and think.  I would like to do a better job for myself and my children in distinguishing between the two on a daily basis … And maybe only fulfilling the wants when it is peaceful, financially and physically.  If we refer to the tried and true “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” we all know what it is we really need:  food, shelter, security, love.  Not a ski club membership, splash lagoon birthday party, or an ipod touch.  It is a wonderful perk when we can give our children something that they want beyond what they need, but it can actually be a helpful tool in growing up to be told “no” and learn how to accept it gracefully.  I detest saying “no” to my kids when it is something I know they really want. Not a strong suit of mine.  I will admit, however, that when I do find I have to deny them, you may hear me singing the refrain to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” while they are whining about the unfairness of life or how depressed they are.  Like I have reiterated in past blogs, the best I can do is try to pray that God will help me to know when prudence and denial are the answer or when a “want” can be fulfilled.  My husband has a tendency to respond with a quick “no” while I swing to the other side of the pendulum with a hearty “yes”… and then we find the right answer (I hope) somewhere in between.

As I mentioned above, I sometimes have a similar struggle in determining my personal wants and needs, not just those of my children.   What do I need each day and what do I want?  The other afternoon, I had an hour before children came home from school and my two “babies” at home were sleeping.  AWWWW …. What to do during this time of peace and quiet?  I could play “Words with Friends”, exercise, do laundry,  start calling room parents (one of my new PTO duties) OR make dinner.  Bummer.  I have to make dinner.  That is what absolutely has to happen right now.  That fulfills a need for my family.  It is not fun.  I can even get irritated that this is how I have to spend my quiet time when there are so many alternatives.  But by doing this mundane task now, I will be better prepared to enter into homework, football preparation, and taxiing my children around this evening, knowing we have a substantial meal at home (that they can scarf down and complain about) in between.  God is so good at meeting my needs as well, but not always my wants.  My youngest was napping and I was making meatballs (a different scenario from aforementioned one).  I muttered under my breath that I hoped Elly slept until I was done because my hands were covered in raw hamburger, and I wanted to get the meatballs cooking. As soon as I finished, I began the arduous task of cleaning up the kitchen when I heard the baby begin to cry.  One of my sons was in the kitchen with me.  When I sighed and said, “I wanted to get these dishes washed before she woke,” he smirked and said “Mom, you can’t always get what you want.  But you got what you needed.”  He was right.  Dinner was cooking on the stove.  Yes, the kitchen was not cleaned but it didn’t need to be…. yet.  All in good time.  All in God’s time.  I do believe He cares about the little things.  I am not saying He reaches down and makes my baby sleep longer or wake up early just to test me (though He can)… He does allow nature to take its course.  But I believe He might nudge me to make a choice or perform a task that He knows would be most peaceful for my family and myself if I allow Him to be part of my daily life.  And I definitely believe that He gives me just what I need whether it is a sleeping baby or the grace to accept disruptions.  The Israelites got manna in the desert though they probably would have preferred a gourmet lamb. My kids want a trip to Disney but just might have to accept a week of camping in Cook Forest.  No, we can’t always get what we want.  Thank goodness. 

TRIUMPH (The book formerly known as Great Is Thy Faithfulness)

  Wanted to address the name change of my book.  The title: formerly, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, is now Triumph (play on the Tri from Trisomy 18). 

  What an amazing journey this writing and publishing process has been.  I feel I've metamorphosed from a woman viewing the world from my broken hearted perch...waaay up in the trees somewhere to a woman fully engaged in getting the story right while interacting with humanity again.  I am not only desiring the transition from my place of brokenness to the healed heart offering learned insights,  I am actively involved---holding a blazing torch these days.  My goal is to ignite an understanding that HOPE can be found in the seemingly darkest moments if there is a will to seek a greater meaning...and there is much to be gained from the pain that was formerly paralyzing.

 The update on this whole process:  I've met, fell in love with, and accepted the cover design!!  So excited for the big reveal (stay tuned)!  The guts of the book are in the very capable hands of the page-layout designer.  She had been waiting very patiently while amazing folk were at work editing and re-editing, and re-editing, and then re-editi..on and on---the good news is the FINAL edit has been received and accepted.  This is PROGRESS, people!  Totally rejoicing over here..invite you to do the same.  I will let you know the status of TRIUMPH as further progress is made!

Thanks for all the prayers---Please keep 'em coming! 

Football and Family (by Diane Gallagher)

(Guest Blogger Wednesday:) In the Gallagher house, Fall means football (participating, watching and Fantasy leagues), closing the pool, a return to homework, raking leaves, picking apples, Octoberfest at St. Joseph’s, cross country and Halloween.  As we near summer’s official end and prepare for one of my favorite seasons, I look at my calendar and shudder…not just from the cooler temperatures.  Our schedule is insane (I know many of you can relate).  Even though we only allow the kids to be in one organized event at a time, we still have 7 children.  Take my word for it – it adds up to many games, practices, rehearsals, lessons and functions.  I have heard experienced parents express that they feel like a taxi or bus, but I can officially declare the same sentiment for the first time.  My husband and I can truly be like ships passing in the night.  Where are we supposed to find family time in the midst of all this craziness?  In our house, it demands a lot of give and take AND a little creativity.

My boys and husband are big football fans.  As a result, a couple of years ago they all participated in a fantasy football league which has now expanded into a lively group composed of good friends and even myself!  I was hesitant to take a team, but my husband encouraged me to, and I have been pleasantly surprised.   It has become a bonding experience with my boys as we conduct the draft together (they give their uneducated mother some helpful hints) and then have to set our teams each week.  More often than not, one of my boys is sitting at the computer asking me who I want to put into the lineup each week while I wash dishes or sweep the kitchen floor.  Prior to my participation in Fantasy Football, I would not have surmised that this activity would be in my future, but I am glad I was willing to put aside my own ideas of how I would like to spend family time and be open to new adventures.  My girls, on the other hand, are not interested in football in the least bit unless it involves attending a game where they can play with friends and dine at the concession stand.  To foster their excitement in the sport, we planned a little party for just our family on Sunday.  The girls helped me prepare a smorgasbord of processed, unhealthy appetizers for the afternoon that they then served to the “men” who were glued to the TV screen.  Once all appetites were satiated, the girls’ excitement wore off and we had to resort to a game of Life until the end of the Brown’s game… but it was a nice family moment until then.  I admit that we have not been faithful to conducting family nights on a weekly or even biweekly basis….and our monthly events are not on any set schedule.  We can sometimes feel like failures in this area when we witness those families who are more disciplined.  But we do attempt to have dinner as a family whenever possible, attend Sunday Mass as a unit and try to find some events that all members enjoy on various levels like our Fantasy Football League and football party.  The boys will make their compromise when we all (sans the little ones) attend Les Miserables at the Playhouse in a couple weeks or when we go apple picking and can our apple sauce sometime in October.   Believe me, they will complain and say they do not want to participate, but I assert with 90% certainty that they will enjoy it and be grateful for these memories in the years to come.  When we are willing to compromise and be creative as a family, all sorts of new possibilities arise -- through football or the French Revolution. :)   

It Takes A Village (by Diane Gallagher)

(Guest Blogger Wednesday :)  In writing these reflections each week,  I take you with me on my journey of life which largely focuses on family and parenting these days. Today, I could not resist following up on a story from a previous blog. If you recall, I shared about my desire for my eldest son to develop an interest in Christian music.  I had scoured iTunes with him, sent him with my husband to a Christian music festival called Creation, and purchased some CDs all to wet his appetite.  Unfortunately, for as much as he enjoyed the festival and attempted to be open, he was not discovering a group or style that satisfied his musical tastes.  You can imagine my delight when he came home from school yesterday and excitedly told me to come to the computer with him.  He logged into YouTube and played a song for me called “God is Enough” by Lecrae.  He admitted that he was even considering downloading the song to his iPod.  I actually got choked up as I listened ... not because the song moved me to that extent but because God had reached out to my son in His own way and time.  And He did this through someone other than my husband or myself.  Ok, this might sound a bit extreme.  After all, it was just one song.  I am not saying Joseph went through a major conversion or anything that dramatic, but it was a good reminder for me that Joe is not just my son, but that he is even more importantly God’s son.  While I think that I have to be the one to influence my children in every area, I realized (once again) that it takes a village to raise a child.  Yes, my husband and I are going to play a big part in that, but God will use different people and situations as well to feed and form their souls.  I am so grateful to my son’s religion teacher who shared this song in class, and I am going to be sure to let her know that. 

Another reminder of this village concept occurred last week when my second oldest quoted something that his youth minister had said at a gathering the week before.  Not only did this assure me that he was listening but that he would actually apply what was said.   I can also remember times my children have mentioned the homily from their school Mass, a lesson from Vacation Bible School or a little gem they heard from their Grandparents.  This can be scary if our children are under the wrong influence, but when we are putting them in good hands, it is reassuring to know that we are not in this alone.  It is actually a great comfort for me as I continue to battle my inadequacies as a parent and recognize my limits and humanness.  As I have said before, I am more aware of my sinfulness now, as a parent, than ever before (that is if you overlook that period of time in high school and college when I went a little astray:) It is so good to be reminded that my children’s future is not just in my hands.  What a relief!  I do not mean to let parents off the hook here, but merely to provide some encouragement.  Whether it is through a religion teacher, a coach, a song or an experience, God will reach out to our children in His time.  The one thing I have been successful at in my parenting is continuing to pray for my children.  I might not do it as much as I want, but I attempt to lift each one of them up to God every day… praying for a litany of things including their teachers, their friends and anyone they encounter.   And always, always asking the Lord to have mercy on me when I fail in my parenting, and to make up (whatever I am not giving them that they need) where I lack.  I must be diligent in paying attention to whom my children are encountering on a daily basis, but then I pray and allow God to complete the mighty work He is doing in each of them, which will continue until the day they die.  A heartfelt thanks goes out to each of you reading this who have contributed to my children’s formation… by your words, your example and your interactions with them.  Be assured that I will do my best to “raise” your children as well.  Thank you, my village!

Dust Bunnies??? You Got Nothin' on Me...

My husband is a contractor.  We gutted our current house WHILE we moved into it (still shuddering).  This was five years ago and we are still under construction.  Therefore it shouldn't surprise anyone that a dumpster appeared in our driveway six days ago and our kitchen disappeared from our home two days ago.  Well, most of it...there IS still a bit of ceiling and lathe and horsehair plaster waiting patiently to make their swan-dive into said dumpster.

  While my cupboards are gone and my dishes have been relocated to the dining room buffet...my dining room table is GROANING, "Why me???"  Because this poor, piled piece of furniture has taken the brunt of kitchen utensil refugees needing to be re-settled.  I feel like defending the state of my home by asking "Doesn't everybody have to step over a toaster oven on the way to the bathroom?" but that's just silly...I do really think the Tupperware shoved into the black soup pot does kind of make the desk "POP." Brings out the lustrous shine of oak patina...maybe I'm on to something...or not.

  Yesterday,our hometown's humidity was heavy enough to make even the anti-winter die-hards pray for a blizzard.  Stress doesn't begin to label the "irritable, grouchy, heavy-sweating, over-crowded dining and living rooms, no kitchen, can't find the stupid toaster-oven" mood that had covered our "haven."  My husband, Steve, and I had just finished an uncharacteristic "snarky" loud exchange (in front of kids...I know-so ashamed) before I walked out on the porch to escape with my morning breakfast of oatmeal, coffee, and a book.  I crossed to the patio table thankful to have a fenced in yard so I didn't have to do an army-man-crawl to avoid the neighbors catching glimpse of my pink nightie at 11a.m.  Everyone that knows me well, knows that I do not operate well in extreme heat.  Add humidity to the heat and we have an emotional "Perfect Storm."  I was grumbling about Steve going dove hunting with the boys while we were surrounded by demolition fall-out so I didn't hear the first high-pitched "Hellllllooooooo" that accompanied an unfamiliar silver car pulling in the driveway.  I was the epitome of the deer in headlights.  I know I've mentioned our 15 passenger blue van in previous posts...well, I wanted to hug or dive for cover behind it for the dignity it would save while the silver car did a turn around then kept moving.  I prayed this friendly lost soul would just need directions for a destination unknown.  I was caught...I was a glistening, red-faced, jammie cladden woman escaping a war zone.  I had been spotted...but I could still justify throwing my oatmeal and scurrying back inside to get Steve to deal with this.  With my hand on the door handle I heard the unmistakable voice of my mother..."Helllooooooo Suuusie!  Do you have tea?"  Uh..I stammered.  We..my..ther... "Mom, is that you?" was all I could manage to the woman hanging with waving arms out of the passenger door.  Kids appeared from the lathe and plaster destruction inside to yell, "Gramma's here!"

  I disappeared inside for a moment then returned with a feeble hello and an explanation we had just ripped our kitchen out...so our house wasn't exactly presentable.  I instantly felt bad that my mother and her friend from church looked uncomfortable...though maybe the look was about my paisley green and blue robe I had ran for while kids circled Gramma.  There was a bit of chit chat while they suggested I stand in the shade from the large van.  Hmmm, was my glistening forehead that apparent...or maybe it was the scent of an overheated woman about to go over the edge??  She's gonna blooow....like a hot potato that hasn't been pierced with a fork to let the steam out.  My mother and her friend were wonderfully kind in their desire to put me at ease and after all, they had no idea what space I had been in.

  Either way...they didn't stay long...and I managed to eat my oatmeal without grossing myself out to much worrying about if a fly had landed on it. As I ate my "brunch" I thought of how Mother Teresa had visited a woman's hut of a home.  The woman was all smiles as she welcomed her guest into her dirt floored abode.  Mother Teresa learned from that and shared that we never have to apologize for our house..it is our home!  I can't imagine what I would have done if Mother Teresa had pulled in my driveway yesterday morning (besides for obvious reasons) but my own mother arriving unannounced with a guest was enough of a challenge.  I suppose it's a lesson for me to remember it's all about the smile that welcomes...not the house. I went back in the house and joined the social media avenue of apologizing to Steve- via texts- kinda fun without the emotional drama...we were able to be silly with each other (smiley faces can work magic). 

  Today, I'm sitting in my home..not a whole lot has changed...humidity still has me sweating...but there is a Peace, that might have a little to do with six children being in school, but mostly due to accepting that this too shall pass...and double bonus: I get to make you feel VERY GOOD about the state of your own home!!