Pride. One of the Seven Deadly Sins. Often the root of many other sins. Also, one of the easiest temptations to succumb to. I have always been a prideful person, I am embarrassed to admit. Internally, that is. My parents did an excellent job teaching us to not be outwardly prideful. “Don’t flaunt your grades.” “Don’t toot your own horn. If someone else does the tooting, be humble and gracious in your response.” But I confess that while I am quick to admit my weaknesses and failure, I do find pleasure in the things I do well. In the past, I would have prided myself in achieving good grades, having a lot of friends, or winning student government elections. Now I tend to take pride in my commitment to mothering (notice I didn’t say ‘being a good mother’) or in the positive traits my children may exhibit. Even writing this blog can become a prideful temptation. Of course, in God’s great wisdom, parenting is also the source of greatest humility for me, as I tend to take it personally whenever one of my children behaves in a less than noble manner in a public setting (see previous blog re: kids climbing on the roof). The bickering, meanness, disobedience or whininess can all be sources of frustration for my husband and I who are working so hard to raise them in a Godly manner. Letting go and allowing them to experience growing pains, make poor choices and learn from their mistakes is a real challenge for this prideful mother.
I also struggle with my pride when I am not given credit for something good I may have done, or on the flip side, am possibly thought ill of for something I did not do. I worry far too much about what other people think. One silly but real example occurred after my two littlest ones spent some time away at my in-laws. They were so unselfish and compassionate to give this gift of babysitting, and at one point were excitedly sharing how they had taught my 1 yr. old to go backwards down the stairs. This was a skill I had been working on with Elly in the weeks prior to the journey to Nana’s. Instead of swallowing my pride and allowing my in-laws a tiny bit of pleasure in their accomplishment, I had to blurt out that I had already been teaching her to do this. I was completely annoyed with myself as the words were spitting forth from my mouth. Pride, pride, pride. Small incidents but great opportunities for humility … or pride … to surface depending on how we handle it. Of course, the ultimate irony is being victorious in a moment and not allowing pride to rear its ugly head, only to find myself feeling prideful that I was so humble!
The point is that I desire to be a humble person, doing what I am called to do without need for affirmation and acknowledgement. Part of being truly humble also means recognizing my gifts and talents and thanking God for them. My spiritual director recently gave me a prayer that I have not uttered for a long time titled “Litany of Humility.” It includes such lines as “From the desire of being praised, deliver me Jesus…. That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease.” Difficult words to say let alone to really mean. All I can do is try. So I will embrace the moments when my boys are openly calling each other names and fighting in the front yard as a result of heated neighborhood football game or when my family doesn't notice my efforts to clean their rooms or unpack their suitcases. God knows the good and the bad and loves me even when others may not. That is ultimately all that matters.
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