Silent Night...sort of

"Giiiiirls," I want to roar to my daughters and niece loudly giggling upstairs, "go to SLEEP!"  But I don't.  I just sit here on the couch, tucked under my new Christmas gift- a heated fleece blanket, and listen to the symphony of gently competitive snores composed by my husband and chocolate lab pup.  I watch what was once a roaring fire simmer down to winking embers and cast a lazy glance at the frozen screen on my t.v.  Why, I wonder, would anyone want to watch the next episode of Shark Week on Netflix?  Especially during the Christmas octave...what happened to all the sweet Holiday movies which accompanied the wee hours filled with wrapping and baking a mere week ago?  I will keep this question to myself and allow my tired husband to peacefully snooze away lest he defend why he chose this as night time viewing pleasure to begin with.
 However, on this particular night...at 11:45 p.m. when all is finally reaching a near state of calm in our home which houses 9 of us (plus said niece for the night) I prefer to sit and take in the sound of the furnace softly whirring, hear the water that runs as our soon to be 17 year-old brushes his teeth.  I look over at the dangling foot of our ten-year old curled up, fast- asleep on the recliner (hey, it's vacation...and three of his siblings were allowed to fall asleep in our bed), and I am grateful for the ordinary moments.

  This has been a holiday of the glorious mundane.  I did not go out much.  I did a gazillion loads of laundry and loaded the dishwasher countless times.  I made several pots of hot chocolate to warm fingers that were numbed in soaked mittens now littering every inch of heater vent on the first floor...maybe the second floor as well.  I picked up dozens of candy wrappers from now-flattened stockings and swept up more than a few broken ornaments- and I am Peaceful.  I am content.  I do not feel short-changed by viewing smiling faces from the Bahamas on Facebook and I can not even claim to feel ashamed that I did not get out family photos in Christmas cards...well, hope springs eternal...I still have a bit of time.  I AM thankful for every card and photo that arrived in our mail- they put a smile on my face as I walked to the washing machine for the umpteenth time.  I am happy to "just be" these days.
  I am simply grateful that in my life, which feels precarious right now with my oldest sister fighting for her life against an incredibly progressed state of cancer and a brother-in-law battling to breathe due to cancer...I can have these rare moments that feel normal and PEACE-full.  I know tomorrow is a new day with new beauties and different challenges...but THIS moment...this quiet time...is for reveling in.  Even the giggling upstairs has mellowed to an occasional muffled "sshhh" above me.
 Well, hello...what's this?  My eldest son, done brushing his teeth pokes his head around the corner "Good night Mom."  "Good night son, I love you."  "So," he asks, "Have you given any thought to my birthday request?" Uuuum, I feel a bit like a deer in the headlights as I honestly cast around in my weary memory-bank but come up empty-handed.  "Sorry honey, I'm drawing a blank here." He casts a glance toward his sleeping father and bravely reminds me, "about the tattoo? Ok...good night then, I'd like to talk with you and Dad together...soon."  Siiigh...I was wise to revel in the Peace while I could.  Well, perhaps I'm to realize in the scope of issues out there...this is small.  And if he is the first of seven children...this will one day feel mundane.  One day.
  My faded fire has found it's second wind...the heater has kicked on again.  I figure I must have strength and composure stored up in me somewhere.  I'm sure my sister would give anything for a son's tattoo to to be the most dramatic thing she could imagine as opposed to her markers being "off the charts."  I'd be willing to bet my heated fleece that my other sister would gladly tattoo "Alleluia" across her forehead if her husband could heal from this dreaded disease.
  It is quiet again.  Silent Night.
 I am Peaceful. Holy Night. 
I am grateful for the many blessings of this moment and for every grace I've been given to help me slow down and appreciate these very moments...where at present...All is Calm.

     

Balance (by Diane Gallagher)

Guest blogger Wednesday :)

Balance  – “an even distribution of weight enabling something or someone to remain upright and steady.”  Upright and steady, huh?  Sometimes I feel hobbled over from the weight of the world and quite wobbly from the daily roller coaster ride I am on.  I love the idea of being emotionally upright and steady.  The trick is that in order for me to feel balanced, I need to live a balanced life:  in my eating, my prayer life, my physical activity, my labor, my recreation (with kids and spouse) and my rest.  Don’t get me wrong – there are times when the scale is tipped to one side because it has to be.  For example, when I began a much needed diet to shed 13 years of pregnancy weight, I took some more extreme measures.  Balance was not achieving the results I needed to stay motivated so I followed a strict eating regimen and counted daily points.  During Lent, the scales are often tipped spiritually as we spend more time in Church, in prayer and in fasting.  And that is a good thing.  Someone training for a marathon (not a realistic dream for me) has to tip the exercise scale while she trains and focuses on getting her body in shape.  For a season. 

To peacefully live through the daily grind with the plethora of demands placed on me, I realize that a steady and upright Diane is best achieved through balance.  See, if I remained obsessed with my diet, I pour too much of my time and energy into this one area of my life at the expense of the others.  Or if I become too focused on getting my work done around the house (it never is), then I do not take the time to relax with my husband or I sacrifice my sleep. Let me reiterate that it is absolutely necessary to tip the scales at times…like last week when we were preparing for my son’s 1^st Holy Communion.  I spent every spare moment getting ready and definitely sacrificed sleep and cooking healthy meals (we went for simple instead).  But on a regular basis, balance works best for me:  daily morning and night prayer, exercising on the elliptical 3 – 4 times a weeks, allowing myself some treats without gorging on the whole package of Oreos, creating a realistic meal plan each week keeping in mind cost, time of meal preparation and tastes of my family members.  I have even learned to do couponing in moderation.  It would be so easy to spend hours looking for coupons or going from store to store in search of savings.  It is tempting, but not for me.  I spend about an hour planning my list and gathering coupons… and then I go to one store.  I may not be getting the best deals every week, but I have to balance the savings with the gas money and time spent driving around that I could be used for other things that would ultimately bring more peace to my day. 

For me, as a Catholic Christian, I constantly have to turn to God to ask for His help in finding and maintaining this highly sought after balance … and to let me know when I need to go off balance for a season or rearrange my priorities that have gone askew.  Sometimes He lets me know this just by the anxiety that will well up inside when I am out of whack.  Other times, the nudge might come from without – my husband or sisters or friends.  Balance is not a reality I achieve once and then have it forever.  It is a daily process but a goal that my husband and I truly desire.  As with most things, we are not always successful in achieving our goal, and occasionally we need to hold the other upright when the weight becomes too heavy and we are leaning to one side.  It is all part of the daily effort toward balance. Ultimately I have found that a more balanced mama is a happier mama…and I think it is safe to say that my husband and children all appreciate thatJ

Live It:  Keep track of what you spend your time on for one week…. Then look it over and see where your scales are tipped right now and how you might need to readjust.  Might be interesting.

Just a quick side note: Quick story…I stopped in at Confession today having already written my blog. After I confessed my myriad of sins including impatience and temper, the priest encouraged me to find more time for recreation and relaxation “prudently incorporated into my day.”  He felt that because I was running from one thing to another all day and not having much down time, I was probably more on edge and quicker to respond impatiently.  I smiled.  As you can see, I need to read my blog againJ  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…